Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Finding Myself: This could get ugly.
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Finding Myself: This could get ugly.: Here I am. Once again. Feeling so sad and disappointed, words cannot describe. Since my last post, I have GAINED 10 pounds. Too much for y...
This could get ugly.
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Here I am. Once again. Feeling so sad and disappointed, words cannot describe.
Since my last post, I have GAINED 10 pounds. Too much for you? Yeah, me too.... let me back up a bit.
I had previously written a post about how "happy" I was to be diagnosed with (#&@**%) Hashimotos. At lease now I knew why it was difficult to get out of bed, and why it was hard to lose weight, and why I couldn't turn off the faucets that are now referred to as my eyes. Don't get me wrong, I was happy! Now we could get to work at regulating my thyroid and getting my life back on track!
Little did I know, I would have a doctor who would seem to care less about my ongoing issues. I mean, when I am feeling good, I feel GREAT! I guess that's what happens when you know what it really feels like to feel crappy, you can really appreciate when it is good! But why does it only last for a week or a little more... or less?! For the most part, I am still exhausted. I am still super emotional, not to mention irritable (sorry Brian. I love you XoXo). The happiness I had felt when I was diagnosed has turned to a giant sour disgusting pill that is very hard to swallow. It could always be worse. I know that. I have people in my life that have fought or are fighting much worse battles than this. But this is MY life and it is something that I have to deal with on a daily basis, just as others have to deal with their problems or illnesses. It isn't ever easy for the person going through it is what I am trying to say. I still want to give God the glory and I hope that somehow, someway He can use what I am going through for good.
Having said all of that, I think that my weight gain is simply my thyroid going through its hormonal stage and I am PRAYING that it stops. My meds have been adjusted (by a different doctor) and those could take 6 months to "regulate". I have not eaten better, but I certainly have not been eating worse. The gain (beyond blaming Hashimotos) really is unexplainable.
Let us get to the root... again.
If I don't see results immediately, I cave. I feel like there is no hope. I feel as if I am caught in the weight cycle again. The problem with a lot of the diet "helps"out there are that I cannot have too much protein, I only have 1 kidney and it is hard to filter too much protein. I cannot use substitute protein items such as soy, because it supposedly creates conflict between my body and the thyroid it is already attacking. There is no medical proof of that, it is just what some people think and I have done soy meal replacement shakes and believe for myself, that it interfered with my thyroid. So, no more of that.
I have an addiction to food. I had someone suggest in a previous post that maybe it wasn't a real food addiction issue, but that maybe it was just laziness. Well, I don't know about you, but when I walk into the kitchen on days that I am really trying to beat this thing, and I start to shake because I want the food... that sounds like more than laziness to me. Am I exhausted, yep. Does that make me lazy? On most bad days, yep. But that has no bearing on how I feel when I walk into an area filled with food. When I allow myself to indulge in what I should be staying away from (p.s. I over-eat healthy food too), I feel good for a minute, then moments later I am so disappointed in myself, I could cry. Just today as I made a resolution to eat better, I had to go into that area... you know... the place that sounds like mitchen? My mouth was literally salivating and all I could think was WHY didn't I buy gum the last time I was at the store?! Maybe that would help. Gum! CURSES!!!! I began to tremble in my hands. I felt like a junkie. And, I caved. I couldn't take it. I had ramen. Good for you, ramen (insert sarcastic face). WHY WHY WHY is this SO hard for me??!?!?!?!!?!?
I did have a salad for lunch, but I will say this. For someone trying to eat healthy, I get a big fat F. I had to throw away almost all my vegetables because they were bad.
So, today I sit on my couch, in workout clothes, waiting for Linden to get home so we can all go out on a walk together. And I continue to tell my struggles and continue to be as transparent as I possibly can be. It is humiliating. It can be immobilizing to your soul. The good news is, one day I will be at peace and none of this garbage will matter anymore. In the meantime I just want to find happiness within myself. I don't know how much more I can bear.
Thanks again for letting me ramble. Love you all.
Since my last post, I have GAINED 10 pounds. Too much for you? Yeah, me too.... let me back up a bit.
I had previously written a post about how "happy" I was to be diagnosed with (#&@**%) Hashimotos. At lease now I knew why it was difficult to get out of bed, and why it was hard to lose weight, and why I couldn't turn off the faucets that are now referred to as my eyes. Don't get me wrong, I was happy! Now we could get to work at regulating my thyroid and getting my life back on track!
Little did I know, I would have a doctor who would seem to care less about my ongoing issues. I mean, when I am feeling good, I feel GREAT! I guess that's what happens when you know what it really feels like to feel crappy, you can really appreciate when it is good! But why does it only last for a week or a little more... or less?! For the most part, I am still exhausted. I am still super emotional, not to mention irritable (sorry Brian. I love you XoXo). The happiness I had felt when I was diagnosed has turned to a giant sour disgusting pill that is very hard to swallow. It could always be worse. I know that. I have people in my life that have fought or are fighting much worse battles than this. But this is MY life and it is something that I have to deal with on a daily basis, just as others have to deal with their problems or illnesses. It isn't ever easy for the person going through it is what I am trying to say. I still want to give God the glory and I hope that somehow, someway He can use what I am going through for good.
Having said all of that, I think that my weight gain is simply my thyroid going through its hormonal stage and I am PRAYING that it stops. My meds have been adjusted (by a different doctor) and those could take 6 months to "regulate". I have not eaten better, but I certainly have not been eating worse. The gain (beyond blaming Hashimotos) really is unexplainable.
Let us get to the root... again.
If I don't see results immediately, I cave. I feel like there is no hope. I feel as if I am caught in the weight cycle again. The problem with a lot of the diet "helps"out there are that I cannot have too much protein, I only have 1 kidney and it is hard to filter too much protein. I cannot use substitute protein items such as soy, because it supposedly creates conflict between my body and the thyroid it is already attacking. There is no medical proof of that, it is just what some people think and I have done soy meal replacement shakes and believe for myself, that it interfered with my thyroid. So, no more of that.
I have an addiction to food. I had someone suggest in a previous post that maybe it wasn't a real food addiction issue, but that maybe it was just laziness. Well, I don't know about you, but when I walk into the kitchen on days that I am really trying to beat this thing, and I start to shake because I want the food... that sounds like more than laziness to me. Am I exhausted, yep. Does that make me lazy? On most bad days, yep. But that has no bearing on how I feel when I walk into an area filled with food. When I allow myself to indulge in what I should be staying away from (p.s. I over-eat healthy food too), I feel good for a minute, then moments later I am so disappointed in myself, I could cry. Just today as I made a resolution to eat better, I had to go into that area... you know... the place that sounds like mitchen? My mouth was literally salivating and all I could think was WHY didn't I buy gum the last time I was at the store?! Maybe that would help. Gum! CURSES!!!! I began to tremble in my hands. I felt like a junkie. And, I caved. I couldn't take it. I had ramen. Good for you, ramen (insert sarcastic face). WHY WHY WHY is this SO hard for me??!?!?!?!!?!?
I did have a salad for lunch, but I will say this. For someone trying to eat healthy, I get a big fat F. I had to throw away almost all my vegetables because they were bad.
So, today I sit on my couch, in workout clothes, waiting for Linden to get home so we can all go out on a walk together. And I continue to tell my struggles and continue to be as transparent as I possibly can be. It is humiliating. It can be immobilizing to your soul. The good news is, one day I will be at peace and none of this garbage will matter anymore. In the meantime I just want to find happiness within myself. I don't know how much more I can bear.
Thanks again for letting me ramble. Love you all.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Finding Myself: Gotta get it off my chest.
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Finding Myself: Gotta get it off my chest.: Wow, has it been a long time! I guess I will start with what the blog is all about, and if you can't tell, I am in a crabby mood. So I apo...
Gotta get it off my chest.
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Wow, has it been a long time!
I guess I will start with what the blog is all about, and if you can't tell, I am in a crabby mood. So I apoligize for the "tone" before we even get started.
I am still at the same weight. There. I said it.
I fluctuate which I can only assume is water weight. Am I disappointed? Of course. Do I hope that changes? Of course. But losing weight (or trying to rather) is one of the most difficult things I have done. I have found myself wondering WHEN my addictive personality reared its uuuugly little head. I have not always had this issue. I think that it deserves a little more exploring into the deep recesses of my heart and maybe I can find the answer there. I still struggle with all the things I had ranted about in previous posts. I still feel overwhelmed when I look at the scale, or when I try to get dressed on a daily basis, for that matter. I don't want people looking at me and thinking what I already know... that I haven't done what I set out to do. I saw a poster on Facebook that said something to the effect of (loosley quoted here) "It's simple, you either do it, or you don't" with a picture of a super tone lady working out. All it made me want to do was throw my computer through the glass door. Simply put, IT ISN'T THAT EASY!!!!! If you have ever, ever dealt with an addictive personality, you know that. It. Just. Isn't. Am I making excuses? Ugh, maybe?? I don't have much more to hang onto than my lame excuses anymore anyways. Why am I bawling right now?!!?
Having said that, I am sorry I have not done better. Maybe I am just genetically screwed. Who knows.
On to more interesting things.
Blogging is about letting go of your feelings, right? IS IT a safe place to do so, where friends will still love you regardless of what you say?
I hope so, cause I have GOT to get this off my chest and I am so sorry for being too blunt, or if I come across as rude. I am an emotionally driven person and if I don't say it, I will expolde and my poor husband doesn't deserve that. Having said that... here it goes.
I own a photography business.
I LOVE photography.
I am a mwac (mom with a camera ;)) and DARN proud of the work I have accomplished.
Does the fact that I did not go to school for photography change that? Nope.
In fact, I think it takes a lot of guts for someone to be self-taught in this industry. I did NOT go to school for photography, and I am proud of the fact that I have learned as much as I have with little, to no help.
I have heard it said that (loosely quoted) " just because someone has a nice camera doesn't make them a photog, but rather a fauxtog". Nice, huh? I have a camera, and it is nice. But it isn't a "real photographer" camera. It is a point and shoot, basic, everyday family camera. As far as I am concerned, it is the eye behind the lens that takes good pictures, not the equipment. Do I want a better camera? Of course I do! But instead of charging that bad boy to a charge card, I am slowly saving, and earning my money to pay for it. Just like I am for all the other equipment I would like to own one day.
Another thing I hear is that "real" photographers believe that a mwac charges too little because they don't realize how expensive the equpiment is, or that "we" pay %40 taxes out of our own pocket. Or how about this, mwacs don't understand that QUALITY photography is worth more than a meisly $150. Ummm, I have HUGE bone to pick on this one. I do, oh do I understand how expensive it is, and taxes are a necessary beast. But, as a NEW photographer (wether out of school or self taught), I would NEVER feel comfortable charging people what I see other photogs charging. One day, I am sure I can, without batting an eye, raise my prices and feel confident in that. For now, I think what I charge is FAIR. And if you can look at my pictures, love what you see AND get them at a great price, WHY NOT?!! I get the whole "you get what you pay for" saying... but seriously? I totally just explained that, right?
I suppose I need thicker skin to own a business... no, I KNOW I do. I get so flustered because I feel like people look at this as if it were a hobby for me. Okay, it is NOT a hobby. I have put a TON of energy and resources to work, trying to get this train a movin' and for people to blow off appointments like it's no skin off their back really, really bothers me. This is a business. You would not blow off or cancel an appointment with your doctor, to go get your teeth whitened, or even an invite to a pool party, so please, please don't do it to me. :)
Coming fresh off the last paragraph, this is why I now require a deposit. Enough said.
This brings me to another point. Just a "rule" of business. How many places do you go to that use contracts? I will list a few... doctors office, insurance, cable company, Olan Mills ;), you even sign a contract when you go to the store and sign for your purchases! Point made, right? So, why would I not have one for my business? Exactly. No need to be offended, or feel like I don't trust you. It is business. Plain and simple, and I will do my best to run this business accordingly; and fairly to ALL my clients. Every ligit business needs one, it is a necessity.
I will also add this. To my friends who have a lifelong photographer, in NO way do I expect you to come my way and let me do your pictures. If you have someone that your family loves, and that you work well with, then by all means, stay there!! I never want anyone to feel obligated to use me as their photographer. Having said that, if you are looking for someone, and you like my work, come on over! Just please don't hide it, or feel like you can't say anything to me about it. My feelings will be really hurt if you feel like you cannot communicate with me, not that you didn't use me! :)
For now, I suppose that is all I need to say. Thank you for allowing me to vent my frustrations and hurt feelings. I love all of my friends dearly, and I have more good friends than bad and that makes me a very blessed gal.
Love you all-
Heather
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Finding Myself: As if I needed more reasons...
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Finding Myself: As if I needed more reasons...: "First, I want to say I am sorry if I hurt anybodys feelings in my last post (specifically in the opening paragraph) I was aiming at making a..."
As if I needed more reasons...
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First, I want to say I am sorry if I hurt anybodys feelings in my last post (specifically in the opening paragraph) I was aiming at making a point to someone in particular and may have hurt others in the process. I am truly sorry. It was not Christ-like and I am embarrassed at my behavior. Please know that I love each and every one of you.
Having said that:
This has been a great week and a terrible week.
I will start with the great reason. My in-laws were here visiting and it is always wonderful spending time with them. We love you very much. :)
The reason it was terrible? I ate, and ate, and ate. Needless to say, I went from a happier 173 to 179 in ONE WEEK. UnBelieVable!!!! I wish I could allow my emotions to remain separate from my eating. I was hurt early on by something this week and I allowed that to catapult me into a week of over-indulgence.
I could cry. I could cry. I could cry. Please pray for me. I have absolutely no self control. No self discipline and I could just kick myself.
Let us quickly move along...
As the title states... I have a few more reasons to share with you about why I want to lose weight.
My first reason:
I love my wedding ring. It is beautiful. Simple and perfect. I have not been able to wear my ring for almost three years. I first had to take it off while I was pregnant with Aeron, not because I had gained too much weight, but because my hands had swollen so much that it hurt to wear the ring. After I had Josiah, I had lost what I thought was enough and squeezed that bad boy on. Well, needless to say, that night my hand swelled so badly around the ring that it woke me up. Yeah. Not good. I tried EVERYTHING short of sawing off my finger to get my ring off my hand. Ice, soap, oil, lotion, string. Nothing worked. Finally, I knew what I had to do. I hung my head in shame as I drove to the local fire department. They worked on it as well; trying very gently to slide the ring off my (now extremely irritated and swollen) finger. I am glad to say that I didn't cry, although my pride was terribly bruised. Finally, we all agreed and that the only remaining option was to cut my ring off. I still have it, of course.... beautiful as ever with a big cut in the back spreading the ring apart. Here she is:
Having said that:
This has been a great week and a terrible week.
I will start with the great reason. My in-laws were here visiting and it is always wonderful spending time with them. We love you very much. :)
The reason it was terrible? I ate, and ate, and ate. Needless to say, I went from a happier 173 to 179 in ONE WEEK. UnBelieVable!!!! I wish I could allow my emotions to remain separate from my eating. I was hurt early on by something this week and I allowed that to catapult me into a week of over-indulgence.
I could cry. I could cry. I could cry. Please pray for me. I have absolutely no self control. No self discipline and I could just kick myself.
Let us quickly move along...
As the title states... I have a few more reasons to share with you about why I want to lose weight.
My first reason:
I love my wedding ring. It is beautiful. Simple and perfect. I have not been able to wear my ring for almost three years. I first had to take it off while I was pregnant with Aeron, not because I had gained too much weight, but because my hands had swollen so much that it hurt to wear the ring. After I had Josiah, I had lost what I thought was enough and squeezed that bad boy on. Well, needless to say, that night my hand swelled so badly around the ring that it woke me up. Yeah. Not good. I tried EVERYTHING short of sawing off my finger to get my ring off my hand. Ice, soap, oil, lotion, string. Nothing worked. Finally, I knew what I had to do. I hung my head in shame as I drove to the local fire department. They worked on it as well; trying very gently to slide the ring off my (now extremely irritated and swollen) finger. I am glad to say that I didn't cry, although my pride was terribly bruised. Finally, we all agreed and that the only remaining option was to cut my ring off. I still have it, of course.... beautiful as ever with a big cut in the back spreading the ring apart. Here she is:
I now have quite the collection of pretty, (yet not MY ring), rings.
My second reason:
I love goodwill. Make NO mistake about it. I love thrift stores. You just never know what gems you may find. Not to mention that I feel like we are being good stewards of our finances :) . So, every now and again, Goodwill will have 50% off sales (did your heart just start racing as well as mine?). Along with that, they will have $.99 jeans. That's right 99 CENTS. So, I was thumbing through the pants and lo and behold, I found these:
So cute, Hydraulic jeans. $.99
Can I wear them yet you ask? Uhhh, no. But, soon. At least that is what I tell myself.
My third reason:
I have TONS of pants. I mean... loads. The problem is, clearly, I can't wear any of them. These are a few of the pants that collect dust in my closet, and are also a few of the reasons I despise trying to find clothes to wear. Nothing makes me feel worse than seeing all the clothes I have that I can no longer put on. So sad:
Well ,there it is. My sob story. But, here is some fun news! My neighbor has an amazing daughter who has lost weight and looks AMAZING. I asked her what she has been doing and you would never believe it.. Hula hooping!!! She makes hula hoops, so I got one :) I googled 'hula hoops and weight loss'. Even WebMd has information on it! Apparently it is a GREAT workout, and fun!! So, if anyone is interested in a custom made hula to get a great workout with, let me know and I will pass along her info! I will let you know how it works for me ;)
Friday, June 24, 2011
Finding Myself: EmBarrassing
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Finding Myself: EmBarrassing: "Well, here we go... aaagain! It is so funny to me how I started this blog about weight loss and I feel like it is evolving into something mu..."
EmBarrassing
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Well, here we go... aaagain! It is so funny to me how I started this blog about weight loss and I feel like it is evolving into something much different than that. Thank you to everyone who reads this blog, it makes me feel like what I say matters and that it may even be a bit entertaining ;) More than that, thank you to all of our friends who take time to pray and check up on us, you are precious !!!! Yes, you know who you are! Okay, the more I thought about that statement, the more I felt like it just wasn't saying what I wanted it to say. ALL of our friends are PRECIOUS!!! We love each and every one of you!!!
So, I guess I will start with my weight. I have not lost anymore... yet. I am dragging this out until the end! I will be honest, I am more embarrassed than anything else. The fact that I should have lost at least 20 lbs by now and I am staying steady at 175 tells me that alas, I am, lazy when it comes to exercise. I don't get it. I really, really don't. How can I feel so badly about myself some days and not let that feeling push me into exercising is beyond me. I am so thankful for Linden though. He is going to kill me for telling you this, but here it goes (heck, we've all been there ;)) He went and got himself grounded. Like... REALLY grounded. I won't go into details, however he is going stir crazy! He just wants to go outside and skateboard, or ride his bike. Poor kid. I never got to go outside and play when I was grounded, did you? It is SUPPOSED to be miserable, right?! This kid is too smart. He knew that if he asked me if we all could go on a walk as a family that I would agree to that. After all, Aeron and Josiah LOVE walks and I NEED to. Smarty pants. So, I am thankful that he is grounded otherwise I probably would have never went running last night ;) Thanks Linden!!
There are SO many things going on in my life right now. I will tell you about them!
1. Josiah is my youngest sweetheart. He is a tiny 7 mos old now and just started crawling, yikes! As some of you know, when I was pregnant with him, during a routine ultrasound they found that one of his kidneys is enlarged (it's technically called Hydronephrosis. Basically your kidney has urine in it all the time, it never fully empties). This can eventually become a problem and cause kidney issues for him down the road if it goes untreated. After many, many scans both in utero and after he was born, it has not gotten any better. Just this last Tuesday, we went to Children's Hospital (LOVE them) where he had to be sedated and have a 45 minute nuclear medicine scan to see just where the problem was. Can I tell you that I think I still have postpartum depression to a small degree and I was a WRECK (to the point of complete embarrassment). We have yet to see the doctor, but he did call me to let me know that my sweet angel is going to have to have surgery to repair his kidney. I am just totally trusting God for the perfect outcome to this situation. Please pray in agreement with me for that! He sees what I cannot and I have no choice but to trust Him. He loves Josiah JUST as much as I do and that brings me a tremendous amount of peace. I will keep you updated on the outcome :)
2. I started a photography business! Now, I am not professionally trained, I am just a mommy who loves taking pictures! I KNOW that the lord has been pushing me in this direction for the last couple of years now, but fear and the thought of failing really kept me from experiencing what He had planned for me. Having said that, WHY is it that I feel like (and maybe you do too with certain things in your life) this business should have just taken off and I should have clients already?! Is that crazy? It makes me feel completely deflated. Why is that? Just because it is God's idea, does that mean it is supposed to be prosperous immediately? It just makes me feel lousy. Yeees, I know... it takes time to start any business. I can't explain it very well, maybe I am just impatient. Either way, I am NOT quitting, I will just try to be patient (NOT a quality that I carry very well). I still love taking pictures and always will, and I know that since this IS from God, it will be a good ride!
3. I am a crafter at heart. I LOVE crafting and had forgotten just how much I love being creative. I was looking at some blogs and came across the CuEteSt flower headbands. Not the big artificial flowers, but these are all made out of fabric. Oh. My. Gosh, I love these things. So much so , that I am now selling them online! I was even contacted to sell them on a Colorado Crafters website (kind of like Etsy, but only for Colorado peeps). How exciting!!! So, if you ever have the itch for some cute accessories for your daughter or yourself, now you know where to go ;) Hint hint. They are adorable on hats, purses, scarves, you name it!
My poor baby boy, hahaahahah. I promise never to do this to you again, but you make a great model! ;)
So, that's where I am at. 175 and not happy about it, but not so unhappy that I make myself exercise. Stupid, I know but it is what it is right now and only I have the power to change it. I am hoping that I do. My family is amazing, please pray for us. I love my life and wouldn't trade a minute of the trials because it is in those moments that I am vulnerable and My Heavenly Father wraps me up in His arms and makes me feel hat I belong to him. Thank you Lord for the ways that you show your love, it is AMAZING!!
So, I guess I will start with my weight. I have not lost anymore... yet. I am dragging this out until the end! I will be honest, I am more embarrassed than anything else. The fact that I should have lost at least 20 lbs by now and I am staying steady at 175 tells me that alas, I am, lazy when it comes to exercise. I don't get it. I really, really don't. How can I feel so badly about myself some days and not let that feeling push me into exercising is beyond me. I am so thankful for Linden though. He is going to kill me for telling you this, but here it goes (heck, we've all been there ;)) He went and got himself grounded. Like... REALLY grounded. I won't go into details, however he is going stir crazy! He just wants to go outside and skateboard, or ride his bike. Poor kid. I never got to go outside and play when I was grounded, did you? It is SUPPOSED to be miserable, right?! This kid is too smart. He knew that if he asked me if we all could go on a walk as a family that I would agree to that. After all, Aeron and Josiah LOVE walks and I NEED to. Smarty pants. So, I am thankful that he is grounded otherwise I probably would have never went running last night ;) Thanks Linden!!
There are SO many things going on in my life right now. I will tell you about them!
1. Josiah is my youngest sweetheart. He is a tiny 7 mos old now and just started crawling, yikes! As some of you know, when I was pregnant with him, during a routine ultrasound they found that one of his kidneys is enlarged (it's technically called Hydronephrosis. Basically your kidney has urine in it all the time, it never fully empties). This can eventually become a problem and cause kidney issues for him down the road if it goes untreated. After many, many scans both in utero and after he was born, it has not gotten any better. Just this last Tuesday, we went to Children's Hospital (LOVE them) where he had to be sedated and have a 45 minute nuclear medicine scan to see just where the problem was. Can I tell you that I think I still have postpartum depression to a small degree and I was a WRECK (to the point of complete embarrassment). We have yet to see the doctor, but he did call me to let me know that my sweet angel is going to have to have surgery to repair his kidney. I am just totally trusting God for the perfect outcome to this situation. Please pray in agreement with me for that! He sees what I cannot and I have no choice but to trust Him. He loves Josiah JUST as much as I do and that brings me a tremendous amount of peace. I will keep you updated on the outcome :)
2. I started a photography business! Now, I am not professionally trained, I am just a mommy who loves taking pictures! I KNOW that the lord has been pushing me in this direction for the last couple of years now, but fear and the thought of failing really kept me from experiencing what He had planned for me. Having said that, WHY is it that I feel like (and maybe you do too with certain things in your life) this business should have just taken off and I should have clients already?! Is that crazy? It makes me feel completely deflated. Why is that? Just because it is God's idea, does that mean it is supposed to be prosperous immediately? It just makes me feel lousy. Yeees, I know... it takes time to start any business. I can't explain it very well, maybe I am just impatient. Either way, I am NOT quitting, I will just try to be patient (NOT a quality that I carry very well). I still love taking pictures and always will, and I know that since this IS from God, it will be a good ride!
3. I am a crafter at heart. I LOVE crafting and had forgotten just how much I love being creative. I was looking at some blogs and came across the CuEteSt flower headbands. Not the big artificial flowers, but these are all made out of fabric. Oh. My. Gosh, I love these things. So much so , that I am now selling them online! I was even contacted to sell them on a Colorado Crafters website (kind of like Etsy, but only for Colorado peeps). How exciting!!! So, if you ever have the itch for some cute accessories for your daughter or yourself, now you know where to go ;) Hint hint. They are adorable on hats, purses, scarves, you name it!My poor baby boy, hahaahahah. I promise never to do this to you again, but you make a great model! ;)
So, that's where I am at. 175 and not happy about it, but not so unhappy that I make myself exercise. Stupid, I know but it is what it is right now and only I have the power to change it. I am hoping that I do. My family is amazing, please pray for us. I love my life and wouldn't trade a minute of the trials because it is in those moments that I am vulnerable and My Heavenly Father wraps me up in His arms and makes me feel hat I belong to him. Thank you Lord for the ways that you show your love, it is AMAZING!!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Finding Myself: I give
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Finding Myself: I give: "I don't even know where to start. Okay... the good news? I went to see my new primary care physician and boy did I get a work up! He check..."
I give
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I don't even know where to start.
Now.... the bad news.I am seriously tired of sitting down to write this blog and having to tell everyone once again, I have not lost weight. At the risk of running my mouth and saying something bad (let's hope I can withstand that temptation), I really need to let it out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!?!!
The other day, we went to a birthday party and you know what I thought about the whole time? How big my belly must have looked in the shirt I was wearing. I promised myself that I would do everything I could, to not feel that way again. The insane thing about that is, I do that to myself EVERY day. Does it ever change? Uhhhh, nope.
Being addicted to food is... an addiction! What I am saying is that in essence, it would be the same as someone who is addicted to drugs, or alcohol. Minus the fact that you don't HAVE to have those things to survive. You have to eat! The other thing that I find amazing about addiction, (as you will recall, I wrote about my kids and why losing weight was so important for me to do because of them). If you ask a drug or alcohol addict if they want to quit for their kids, I think that 99% would say yes. Then, why is it SO FRIGGIN' HARD TO STOP THE ADDICTION?!?!?!?! Is it selfishness? Is it lack of commitment? Is it
Okay... the good news?
I went to see my new primary care physician and boy did I get a work up! He checked everything! Good news is, all my levels were great! Genetics may play a role in my weight, but God blessed me with a good heart (literally)! Great news considering the heart history that runs in my family. Everything else checked out fantastic as well. Thank you Lord!!
Yep... I really did start out feeling this way. Alright, I still do. But as I was making coffee for tomorrow morning, I was gently reminded (thank you Father) of my last post. My wonderful 14 year old. And then it hit me like a slap in my face... I have been married for 10 years today. Just as I celebrated my adorable son last month, I need to celebrate my winning lottery ticket of a husband, Brian. Okie dokie, I am going to bawl.
As a lot of you know, Linden came to me while I was single. Two years after I had him, I met the most amazing man ever (besides my daddy ;)). There are not a lot of men who would take up with a lady who has a kid. Only REALLY special men. Truly, I am at a lack of words to describe Brian. Many of you know him and the genuine, kind, sincere, loving, HUMBLE, God-fearing and God-loving, compassionate, honest, incredible, and incredibly handsome man that he is... (yes, that is a lack of words as I feel like there are a lot more). He had some of those attributes when I met him, but only God knew where he was going, and wowsa, did he turn out good.
Thank you to my mother-in-law who raised him to be a true gentleman. You will never know how much that means to me. It is clear that he was raised in a loving climate, and I cannot thank you enough for that. If any of my boys end up half as good as their daddy, I know we did good.
Thank you Lord, you have molded him into... the man of my dreams!!!! I am so in love with you Brian Rice. Thank you, Brian for listening to the quickening in your heart, and opening yourself up to allow God shape you into the person you are today. It is only by God's grace that we are together.
I do not deserve you, yet here we are.
I so look forward to the next 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, (and on and on) years with you! Mmm, try not to be overwhelmed when you read that. Lol :D
I am still overweight. What else is new. Maybe one of these days I can post good news about that. But in the meantime, I will keep sharing the rest of my life with you!
Friday, April 22, 2011
14
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Fourteen years ago today, I was beyond blessed with the most amazing child I ever could have imagined.
He changed my life.
He made me grow up.
He made me look at things differently.
He made me a better person.
If any of you know my testimony, you know that God has truly taken me from death to life. I was a thief, I used and abused drugs and alcohol. I treated the people who loved me like garbage. During the most difficult times of my life, I lost my family and I cannot blame them. However, God is ALWAYS faithful. Those relationships are restored and my family can see that I am a new person in Christ.
The one thing my family prayed wouldn't happen.... happened. I got pregnant. I was young and afraid. I had not spoken to my mom in months, yet she was the person I called for help. She drove immediately from Boulder to Colorado Springs to get me.
Fourteen years ago today, I was beyond blessed. When Linden was born, it was like a new birth in me. God always knows what He is doing. Even though we may not be able to see or understand why things happen, He does. The Holy Spirit changed me that day and if it were not for that day; and that child, I would be in prison or dead. There is no doubt in my mind. So, even though my family prayed for the opposite, God knew what it would take to get my heart focused on Him. I strayed a lot and it took a few years for me to listen to His voice. I am so thankful He doesn't give up.
He changed my life.
He made me grow up.
He made me look at things differently.
He made me a better person.
If any of you know my testimony, you know that God has truly taken me from death to life. I was a thief, I used and abused drugs and alcohol. I treated the people who loved me like garbage. During the most difficult times of my life, I lost my family and I cannot blame them. However, God is ALWAYS faithful. Those relationships are restored and my family can see that I am a new person in Christ.
The one thing my family prayed wouldn't happen.... happened. I got pregnant. I was young and afraid. I had not spoken to my mom in months, yet she was the person I called for help. She drove immediately from Boulder to Colorado Springs to get me.
Fourteen years ago today, I was beyond blessed. When Linden was born, it was like a new birth in me. God always knows what He is doing. Even though we may not be able to see or understand why things happen, He does. The Holy Spirit changed me that day and if it were not for that day; and that child, I would be in prison or dead. There is no doubt in my mind. So, even though my family prayed for the opposite, God knew what it would take to get my heart focused on Him. I strayed a lot and it took a few years for me to listen to His voice. I am so thankful He doesn't give up.
Happy Birthday Linden!! You mean more to this mamma then you will ever know. He saved my soul, and you changed my life.
I LOVE YOU!!!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Yes, I have Hashimotos, and I am thrilled!!!
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Okay, I know the title may seem bizarre, especially considering the fact that I probably shouldn't be excited to find out that I have Hashimotos disease. But, I am excited!!
Let me explain. As I posted in my last blog, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism while pregnant with Aeron, and again with Josiah. I never really knew what that meant, but just that I had to take medication during both pregnancies to keep my thyroid regulated (seriously, whatever THAT meant)?
So, a couple weeks ago, I was finally diagnosed with Hashimotos disease. Brian and I were discussing this with my endocrinologist and she believes that I probably have had Hashimotos waiting around for years, but pregnancy brought it on. So now Brian and I believe that I may have been pretty bad for a couple of years; as we don't remember my previous doctor re-checking my thyroid levels after I had Aeron. As I look back on the last two and a half years, I have felt the same; meaning I have been super tired, which is the main thing I notice changing now that I am on medication. Not to mention my difficulty losing weight even though I have totally re-vamped my life.
Hence the reason for the title! I am beyond excited to finally KNOW what is wrong with my body! For those of you who have ever been to the house we live in... you will know that we have been "working" on it for, well, the entire time we have owned it. Which is three years this June. I mean all of the "fixing up" you can imagine in a 25 year old house. Removing carpet and putting down laminate wood flooring, painting ALL the wood white, some big remodeling (like putting up walls), tearing up hardwood flooring and putting down tiles, re-doing bathrooms. Whew! The list continues... I promise. I have wanted to get this stuff done, but just, couldn't!! I always felt so tired. I could have a cup of coffee (or two and yes, regular... what's the point of decaf anyways?) at 4 pm and still be more than ready ready for bed by 8:30 at night. What am I, 90 years old? I just thought that was normal!! And praise God... I was wrong!! After being on my medication for a week, maybe a week and a half, I was on my feet for two days straight (I know that sounds pitiful) but seriously! I have not been able to do that in AGES people! I am so ready to get this house finished. In fact, I would be willing to bet that I have accomplished more in those two days than I had in two months.
Having explained all of that. I am still at 177, which I am also okay with. I now know that there is a reason, not an excuse, but a reason for my difficulty losing weight. I am not going to let that stop me! I will not sit behind that diagnosis and let it tell me what I can and cannot do. It may take longer than I ever wanted it to, and it may not! Truthfully I don't know what else being on the medication will help. I do know that my body has been TOTALLY out of whack for a long time so maybe finally being on meds will actually help me to lose weight faster? My doctor said that her patients that do the best with Hashimotos are the people who run on a regular basis, so that is encouraging!
In another note that I will blog about later, my pastor has been delivering A-MA-ZING sermons lately. Not that he hasn't in the past, but wowsa has it been great! He talked about idols and what we place above God and how virtually anything can be an idol and inhibit our relationship with our Savior. Food, you have officially lost that place in my life. I will NO LONGER be a slave to you. I fully and completely give God the place He DESERVES in my life. Food has never died in my place, food has never loved me the way He has and never will. Lord, you have my full attention and I love you!!!!!
Stay tuned! More to come!!
Also, please feel free to comment or email me. It is always so nice to hear from you!
Let me explain. As I posted in my last blog, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism while pregnant with Aeron, and again with Josiah. I never really knew what that meant, but just that I had to take medication during both pregnancies to keep my thyroid regulated (seriously, whatever THAT meant)?
So, a couple weeks ago, I was finally diagnosed with Hashimotos disease. Brian and I were discussing this with my endocrinologist and she believes that I probably have had Hashimotos waiting around for years, but pregnancy brought it on. So now Brian and I believe that I may have been pretty bad for a couple of years; as we don't remember my previous doctor re-checking my thyroid levels after I had Aeron. As I look back on the last two and a half years, I have felt the same; meaning I have been super tired, which is the main thing I notice changing now that I am on medication. Not to mention my difficulty losing weight even though I have totally re-vamped my life.
Hence the reason for the title! I am beyond excited to finally KNOW what is wrong with my body! For those of you who have ever been to the house we live in... you will know that we have been "working" on it for, well, the entire time we have owned it. Which is three years this June. I mean all of the "fixing up" you can imagine in a 25 year old house. Removing carpet and putting down laminate wood flooring, painting ALL the wood white, some big remodeling (like putting up walls), tearing up hardwood flooring and putting down tiles, re-doing bathrooms. Whew! The list continues... I promise. I have wanted to get this stuff done, but just, couldn't!! I always felt so tired. I could have a cup of coffee (or two and yes, regular... what's the point of decaf anyways?) at 4 pm and still be more than ready ready for bed by 8:30 at night. What am I, 90 years old? I just thought that was normal!! And praise God... I was wrong!! After being on my medication for a week, maybe a week and a half, I was on my feet for two days straight (I know that sounds pitiful) but seriously! I have not been able to do that in AGES people! I am so ready to get this house finished. In fact, I would be willing to bet that I have accomplished more in those two days than I had in two months.
Having explained all of that. I am still at 177, which I am also okay with. I now know that there is a reason, not an excuse, but a reason for my difficulty losing weight. I am not going to let that stop me! I will not sit behind that diagnosis and let it tell me what I can and cannot do. It may take longer than I ever wanted it to, and it may not! Truthfully I don't know what else being on the medication will help. I do know that my body has been TOTALLY out of whack for a long time so maybe finally being on meds will actually help me to lose weight faster? My doctor said that her patients that do the best with Hashimotos are the people who run on a regular basis, so that is encouraging!
In another note that I will blog about later, my pastor has been delivering A-MA-ZING sermons lately. Not that he hasn't in the past, but wowsa has it been great! He talked about idols and what we place above God and how virtually anything can be an idol and inhibit our relationship with our Savior. Food, you have officially lost that place in my life. I will NO LONGER be a slave to you. I fully and completely give God the place He DESERVES in my life. Food has never died in my place, food has never loved me the way He has and never will. Lord, you have my full attention and I love you!!!!!
Stay tuned! More to come!!
Also, please feel free to comment or email me. It is always so nice to hear from you!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Houston, we have a problem!
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Hello all!
The last three weeks have been crazy to say the least. I have finally succumb to the fact that I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 5 month old that need... ahhhh... almost all of my attention. Not that I am using that as an excuse for a lack of anything getting done, because I am not. I love every crazy minute of it. I am also thankful for a teenager who is so willing to help :). My reason for saying that is this: I finally realize that I will probably not be able to write once a week for approximately the next 18 years. :)
I did exercise over the last couple of weeks, running mostly and I must admit that I am happy with my slow progress. My lowest weigh-in was 177! Woohoo!!! Of course, it goes up and down due to water weight, and what time of day that I weigh in, but all in all I am okay with it (well, not really, but I will get to that in a second).
As far as exercise goes, I really do enjoy running, but I don't have access to a treadmill so when I run it has to be outside and of course, unless Brian is home, I have to run with the kids. For those of you who live in Colorado, you know how unbelievable the wind has been and I hate having Josiah out in that craziness! So, I choose not to run as much as I would like. I am wayyy too tired to wake up in the morning ( I will explain that in a minute as well) and do Pilate's (LOVE!!) which if I feel up to it, I can get done in home, before the kids wake up. Oh! I almost forgot to tell you... I ran 4.33 miles one day and 4.93 another! WOOHOO!!! Okay.... I had to get my "pat on the back" out of the way ;) I learned from those two days... baby steps Heather, baby steps. And one of the BEST things about those two days is that I had my kids and hubby with me for t least one of the runs! Let me tell you, there is nothing more sweet to my heart than hearing my 13 year old gently say, "keep going mom! You can do this!" Not to mention my husband cheering me on. I am blessed!
I am still eating fairly well, yet I can tell you that I also feel like I am slowly treading my way back to cruddy eating. Our pastor gave a sermon this last Sunday about temptation and how it always starts out small. Temptation doesn't have to be something sexual in nature, it can be food, as is my temptation. And it has started out small for me... I can hear it now; Just one cookie. Just one bite of the brownie, just one bite of the bread. It isn't just ONE bite!! It never has been for me and hopefully that will change, but for now, it is what it is and I cannot allow myself to have ANY of the "bad" foods. At the very least, it's just something I have to watch out for. That ever creeping desire to eat my way into oblivion.
So, the reason for this weeks title? I have been suuuuper tired, and really wondering; WHY am I not losing more weight?!?!? When I was pregnant, I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism (not very uncommon at all) and took synthroid. I stopped after Josiah was born and I was supposed to get re-checked in February. I kept pushing it off and finally had decided not to get it checked because I felt okay, just tired. Sooo, thank goodness for my husband!! He convinced me that I needed to go. My doctor called me the next day (today) and let me know that I needed to see an Endocrinologist because the "normal" level for my thyroid should be 5.5 and mine is 181. That is correct, one-hundred eighty-one. My doctor said she had never seen a number so high for the thyroid.
So, what that explains is that I am very tired because of my thyroid, and I am probably having problems losing weight due to my thyroid. Not to mention all of the other things that can go haywire in your body. She believes it is something called "postpartum thyroiditis" which is fixable. So, please take a second if you think of me over the next couple of weeks and say a prayer that we get this under control quickly and I have no further reaction to my levels being so high.
Hopefully this will get things back on track and I am trusting in my Lord for healing and strength! My family and I have fun exercising together, and although I am "stuck" in a cooking rut, we are still eating so that's good ;).
So, If you are someone who tried my cake like brownies, I have to apologize. I really am not sure what happened with that recipe! I made it again according to what I posted and it was awful! So, here is another recipe and I promise, it's a keeper :)
The last three weeks have been crazy to say the least. I have finally succumb to the fact that I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 5 month old that need... ahhhh... almost all of my attention. Not that I am using that as an excuse for a lack of anything getting done, because I am not. I love every crazy minute of it. I am also thankful for a teenager who is so willing to help :). My reason for saying that is this: I finally realize that I will probably not be able to write once a week for approximately the next 18 years. :)
I did exercise over the last couple of weeks, running mostly and I must admit that I am happy with my slow progress. My lowest weigh-in was 177! Woohoo!!! Of course, it goes up and down due to water weight, and what time of day that I weigh in, but all in all I am okay with it (well, not really, but I will get to that in a second).
As far as exercise goes, I really do enjoy running, but I don't have access to a treadmill so when I run it has to be outside and of course, unless Brian is home, I have to run with the kids. For those of you who live in Colorado, you know how unbelievable the wind has been and I hate having Josiah out in that craziness! So, I choose not to run as much as I would like. I am wayyy too tired to wake up in the morning ( I will explain that in a minute as well) and do Pilate's (LOVE!!) which if I feel up to it, I can get done in home, before the kids wake up. Oh! I almost forgot to tell you... I ran 4.33 miles one day and 4.93 another! WOOHOO!!! Okay.... I had to get my "pat on the back" out of the way ;) I learned from those two days... baby steps Heather, baby steps. And one of the BEST things about those two days is that I had my kids and hubby with me for t least one of the runs! Let me tell you, there is nothing more sweet to my heart than hearing my 13 year old gently say, "keep going mom! You can do this!" Not to mention my husband cheering me on. I am blessed!
I am still eating fairly well, yet I can tell you that I also feel like I am slowly treading my way back to cruddy eating. Our pastor gave a sermon this last Sunday about temptation and how it always starts out small. Temptation doesn't have to be something sexual in nature, it can be food, as is my temptation. And it has started out small for me... I can hear it now; Just one cookie. Just one bite of the brownie, just one bite of the bread. It isn't just ONE bite!! It never has been for me and hopefully that will change, but for now, it is what it is and I cannot allow myself to have ANY of the "bad" foods. At the very least, it's just something I have to watch out for. That ever creeping desire to eat my way into oblivion.
So, the reason for this weeks title? I have been suuuuper tired, and really wondering; WHY am I not losing more weight?!?!? When I was pregnant, I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism (not very uncommon at all) and took synthroid. I stopped after Josiah was born and I was supposed to get re-checked in February. I kept pushing it off and finally had decided not to get it checked because I felt okay, just tired. Sooo, thank goodness for my husband!! He convinced me that I needed to go. My doctor called me the next day (today) and let me know that I needed to see an Endocrinologist because the "normal" level for my thyroid should be 5.5 and mine is 181. That is correct, one-hundred eighty-one. My doctor said she had never seen a number so high for the thyroid.
So, what that explains is that I am very tired because of my thyroid, and I am probably having problems losing weight due to my thyroid. Not to mention all of the other things that can go haywire in your body. She believes it is something called "postpartum thyroiditis" which is fixable. So, please take a second if you think of me over the next couple of weeks and say a prayer that we get this under control quickly and I have no further reaction to my levels being so high.
Hopefully this will get things back on track and I am trusting in my Lord for healing and strength! My family and I have fun exercising together, and although I am "stuck" in a cooking rut, we are still eating so that's good ;).
So, If you are someone who tried my cake like brownies, I have to apologize. I really am not sure what happened with that recipe! I made it again according to what I posted and it was awful! So, here is another recipe and I promise, it's a keeper :)
EASY CURRY CHICKEN
SERVES 2-4 PEOPLE
· 1 lb boneless skinless chicken breasts cut into chunks.
· 2 tbs canola oil
· 1 green pepper, cut into cubes
· 1 onion, cut into cubes
· 2 carrots, peeled and cut on a bias
· 2 tbs. curry paste ** (can be made with curry powder and water. Mix into a paste)
· 1 cup chicken broth
· ½ cup low fat coconut milk
· ½ tsp sugar (Splenda)
·
· 2 servings brown rice
Begin by cooking the rice first as it usually takes about 45 minutes for brown rice.
Heat a wok or deep-sided frying pan over medium-high heat. Add canola oil and allow time to heat until it ripples. Add the onion, carrot and pepper and “stir-fry” until the onion is cooked translucent. Add the curry paste and cook until fragrant.
Add the chicken and stir-fry for approx. 5 minutes or until the chicken is browned and coated with the curry paste.
Add the chicken broth, Splenda, salt and pepper flakes. Cover and cook over LOW heat for approximately 20 minutes, making sure the chicken is cooked through.
When it is done, pour OVER the rice on a platter and serve family style. I also have lite soy sauce available on the table.
**I have had to add more paste (up to an additional 2-3 tbs).
Friday, February 25, 2011
Geeze!!
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Seriously!! Almost 3 weeks... unacceptable!!
Hebrews 12:11 says, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." If anyone has ever dealt with an addiction, you know the amount of discipline it takes to overcome that addiction and how empowered you feel afterwards. I look forward to that feeling in my life again. Of course, giving God the glory for all of it!!
This blog REALLY does help to hold me accountable and when I miss out on three weeks worth of writing, it really doesn't help :(
So, here are a few of my thoughts.
1. I REALLY can't handle sweet foods. Like the REAL sweet foods. Cupcakes and frosting, ice cream, cake, etc. They just have too big of a stronghold in my life right now, so be gone sweet food! I banish you to... well... anywhere but my mouth; and home for that matter.
2. I would LOVE to do a low calorie diet, or soy shakes for breakfast and lunch with a good sensible dinner. However, I still have a 4 month old that is relying on me to eat enough calories to feed him. So, for now I am supposed to be eating around 2000 calories a day. I have trouble with that because I feel like I would be blowing our grocery budget SKY HIGH just to buy that many veggies. So, if anyone has any suggestions... feel free! ;)
5. As stupid, stupid, stupid as this sounds. I barely have ANY motivation to work out! AHHH!! Why?! I have no idea why. Okay, I will be totally transparent here. I have NO motivation. Of course, when I do... It seems that something else always comes up and keeps me from doing it. All in all, it comes down to excuses. I can blame my lack of exercise on the kids needing more time, or the laundry, or the dishes, or all of the other hundreds of other things that need to be done. But.. BUT I cannot make an excuse for any of that stuff not getting done; if I am not here to do it because I didn't take care of myself as I should; that does my family NO good. Not to mention the fact that thousands of other women get it done... so can I.
6. So. Having whined enough (if you know me at all, you know that I am NOT a fan of pity parties), I have decided that I am sooooo past this battle in my life!!!!! I have 2 choices in front of me. Either accept the way I am now and hope that all will be okay (health wise), or I have to WORK at it!!! The choice. Is. Clear.
If you happen to think of my situation this week, please throw a quick prayer up for me. God did NOT create me to be a quitter!!!
I know that food is what I have revolved around for far too long. I tell my kids that my food tastes good because it is made with love. Get-togethers, birthdays, celebrations... they all are very food focused. I need to change MY way of thinking from getting together and having food, to getting together for the sake of having community and friendship with others. Not to focus my eyes on what's going on the table. If people want me around, it isn't for my cooking, or for the joy of filing MY belly, but it is because they genuinely like me.. for me!
Having said that. If anyone is willing to meet me for a walk at Plum Creek Trail, or WHEREVER, please let me know. I feel like what is needed right now is more accountability and someone to do this with. Brian is gone a lot with work (Bless his soul) and he loves to exercise with me when I agree to it
(8-|. And yes Jill... I will be at your house. Just let me know when!!!
I love my friends and family. God Bless you all and have a great week!!!
Here is another recipe:
Hebrews 12:11 says, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." If anyone has ever dealt with an addiction, you know the amount of discipline it takes to overcome that addiction and how empowered you feel afterwards. I look forward to that feeling in my life again. Of course, giving God the glory for all of it!!
This blog REALLY does help to hold me accountable and when I miss out on three weeks worth of writing, it really doesn't help :(
So, here are a few of my thoughts.
1. I REALLY can't handle sweet foods. Like the REAL sweet foods. Cupcakes and frosting, ice cream, cake, etc. They just have too big of a stronghold in my life right now, so be gone sweet food! I banish you to... well... anywhere but my mouth; and home for that matter.
2. I would LOVE to do a low calorie diet, or soy shakes for breakfast and lunch with a good sensible dinner. However, I still have a 4 month old that is relying on me to eat enough calories to feed him. So, for now I am supposed to be eating around 2000 calories a day. I have trouble with that because I feel like I would be blowing our grocery budget SKY HIGH just to buy that many veggies. So, if anyone has any suggestions... feel free! ;)
3. I love my husband, and by no means am I going to downplay ALL of the hard work that he puts into working out, because he actually does workout (Love you Brian!!!) But I promise it's like that man can LOOK at a scale and drop 5 pounds.
4. I have not lost any weight since my last blog (Sob, sob, sob).
5. As stupid, stupid, stupid as this sounds. I barely have ANY motivation to work out! AHHH!! Why?! I have no idea why. Okay, I will be totally transparent here. I have NO motivation. Of course, when I do... It seems that something else always comes up and keeps me from doing it. All in all, it comes down to excuses. I can blame my lack of exercise on the kids needing more time, or the laundry, or the dishes, or all of the other hundreds of other things that need to be done. But.. BUT I cannot make an excuse for any of that stuff not getting done; if I am not here to do it because I didn't take care of myself as I should; that does my family NO good. Not to mention the fact that thousands of other women get it done... so can I.
6. So. Having whined enough (if you know me at all, you know that I am NOT a fan of pity parties), I have decided that I am sooooo past this battle in my life!!!!! I have 2 choices in front of me. Either accept the way I am now and hope that all will be okay (health wise), or I have to WORK at it!!! The choice. Is. Clear.
If you happen to think of my situation this week, please throw a quick prayer up for me. God did NOT create me to be a quitter!!!
I know that food is what I have revolved around for far too long. I tell my kids that my food tastes good because it is made with love. Get-togethers, birthdays, celebrations... they all are very food focused. I need to change MY way of thinking from getting together and having food, to getting together for the sake of having community and friendship with others. Not to focus my eyes on what's going on the table. If people want me around, it isn't for my cooking, or for the joy of filing MY belly, but it is because they genuinely like me.. for me!
Having said that. If anyone is willing to meet me for a walk at Plum Creek Trail, or WHEREVER, please let me know. I feel like what is needed right now is more accountability and someone to do this with. Brian is gone a lot with work (Bless his soul) and he loves to exercise with me when I agree to it
(8-|. And yes Jill... I will be at your house. Just let me know when!!!
I love my friends and family. God Bless you all and have a great week!!!
Here is another recipe:
SPICY TOMATO SALAD
· 3 tsp. hot sauce (Tabasco)
· Juice of 2 limes
· 2 tbs. olive oil
· 2-3 tomatoes, cut into wedges
· 1 diced avocado
· 1 medium red onion, thinly sliced
· 2 tbs cilantro
· salt and pepper to taste
Mix all and chill.
Courtesy Rachel Ray and Food Network
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
The DREADED "muffin top"
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Okay... I am SOOO glad to post this!! I bought a pair of pants awhile back and have not been able to wear them, for the reason that all women hate. Muffin top. Ugh... the word alone makes me shutter; besides the fact that muffin tops really are the best part of the muffin of course, hahhahhaa. Or... is that NOT a funny joke since I'm working on weight loss? Oh well.
Anyways, I thought I may as well try them on and I am SOO glad I did! No shimmying, no sucking in, nooooo muffin top!
I give God all the glory, as I really don't know how that would have happened if it weren't for His help!
Just wanted to share that joyous moment with everyone ;)
Have a good one!
Let me clarify... I don't ever look at another lady and see what I see in myself. I hope that makes sense. So, basically if you have this "issue", or even if you don't... PLEASE do not be offended by anything I put in my blog. If you really know me, you know I would NEVER want to hurt anyone by something I have said or written about. That is not my heart at ALL.
Anyways, I thought I may as well try them on and I am SOO glad I did! No shimmying, no sucking in, nooooo muffin top!
I give God all the glory, as I really don't know how that would have happened if it weren't for His help!
Just wanted to share that joyous moment with everyone ;)
Have a good one!
Let me clarify... I don't ever look at another lady and see what I see in myself. I hope that makes sense. So, basically if you have this "issue", or even if you don't... PLEASE do not be offended by anything I put in my blog. If you really know me, you know I would NEVER want to hurt anyone by something I have said or written about. That is not my heart at ALL.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Time flew!
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Alright, so much for updating my blog at least once a week. ;) It has been a little crazy around here lately. Birthday parties, Superbowl, Kids, kids and kids. And no I am not complaining about any of it. I loved every minute!
I have NOT been good this week, or the last for that matter. I have a "membership" to myfitnesspal.com and it really is a great tool for keeping track of exercise, food intake, calories burned, support and much more. Sigh. I have not logged in for almost two weeks.
Not only that, I have not eaten as well as I should have. My hubby's birthday is in two days and he will be working, so we went out to celebrate early at John Holly's (YUM :)) and as I looked at what I had ordered, it was ALL fried. YIKES! Then we went to my brothers birthday and ate delicious schnitzel, potato casserole, gravy, sauerkraut, homemade cake. Mmmmm.
Has this weather has created a vortex of ... I don't have a good word to use, but it has NOT BEEN GOOD on my food decisions. Is it just me, or does cold weather just make you wanna bunker down and eat all the comfort food you can jam into your belly?
Then the Superbowl... Little to no exercise... Shall I go on?
So, really what I am noticing is that I try to allow myself A... ONE "free day" where I don't count calories or log what I eat. I don't try to think too much about what I am eating. It goes back to that whole, "don't deprive yourself or you will gorge on it" way of thinking. Buuuut, I allow myself this day more than once a week and I make excuses for it. Not a great way to start out a new way of living, right? This is why I cannot have cookies around, or delicious homemede white bread... I just can't right now. My will power is not strong enough yet.
Having said all of that, I must also add that I still have made better choices. Even though on those days I blew it, on the other days I didn't do too bad. Certainly better than I would have done two months ago. I am cooking/baking with whole wheat flour. I substitute no sugar added, home grown applesauce for fats in recipes. I add splenda instead of sugar (and barely any of that as it has a lot of chemicals and it tastes funny). I use oats in a lot of my cooking. I bake my own whole wheat bread, pizza dough, goodies, healthy cookies, tortillas, and a few other things. I try not to use ANY processed foods. Yeah, that is a challenge. But, it is do-able.
Before I started writing my blog, I watched "Food, Inc." YOW-SA... Talk about a way to jump start a life of eating right. It really is beneficial for EVERYONE to watch this movie. Please, if you care at all about what you are putting into your body and your kids bodies, PLEASE watch this movie. It isn't about becoming a vegan, a vegetarian, or a hippie. It is about becoming a conscious eater. It has truly changed my life and my family's life. It has changed the way my cupboards look. We eat better together. This is why I am not too upset by the fact that I am not losing weight as quickly as I had hoped (of course a lack of exercise at this point has a big part to play). I am not going on a "diet" and I am not making life changes alone. My family and I are making habits that will last much longer than a diet. These changes are saving OUR lives. So even if I don't lose another pound, that alone is worth it. Is this transition hard on all of us? Of course it is! These are years of bad eating habits that we are breaking. Is it worth it?! OF COURSE IT IS!!!
I think I may have mentioned Dave Ramsey in a previous post (and maybe even "Food, Inc."). Either way, we are traveling through Dave's book titled "Total Money Makeover". The reason I talk about this is to say that we have tried to cut out a lot of our "eating out", budget in order to save that money and put it where it needs to go. Beans-n-rice baby. When you mix that thought process along with the movie that I will probably continue to mention ;) it leads to.... not a lot of options for locally grown, organic, healthy, cheap food. However, there is one restaurant that for us stands out above the rest. Chipotle!! So, for any of you looking for great food at decent prices AND its good for you; there's one suggestion. And no, I am not getting paid by any of these companies, unfortunately...
So, to the point. As I stated earlier, I am NOT losing as quickly as I had hoped, but that for now is okay. I AM getting healthy. My weight for today is.... 181.4!! Yea! Still, after blowing it all those times, I am losing weight and it feels wonderful. I am not yet seeing results, but again I hope to work out more and I WILL without a doubt, continue to eat better. My fridge had never looked so colorful! So the journey to a healthier me and a closer relationship with the ONLY thing I want an addiction to (God) continues.
To my friends and family who stand behind me and continue to encourage me, THANK YOU!! I love you all dearly and would NEVER want to do this alone. God is so good to bring all of you into my life!!
As promised, I have a great recipe to share. Maybe you could bake these cake-like brownies up for your sweetie on Valentines day and feel good about it!
Brownie Batter:
I have NOT been good this week, or the last for that matter. I have a "membership" to myfitnesspal.com and it really is a great tool for keeping track of exercise, food intake, calories burned, support and much more. Sigh. I have not logged in for almost two weeks.
Not only that, I have not eaten as well as I should have. My hubby's birthday is in two days and he will be working, so we went out to celebrate early at John Holly's (YUM :)) and as I looked at what I had ordered, it was ALL fried. YIKES! Then we went to my brothers birthday and ate delicious schnitzel, potato casserole, gravy, sauerkraut, homemade cake. Mmmmm.
Has this weather has created a vortex of ... I don't have a good word to use, but it has NOT BEEN GOOD on my food decisions. Is it just me, or does cold weather just make you wanna bunker down and eat all the comfort food you can jam into your belly?
Then the Superbowl... Little to no exercise... Shall I go on?
So, really what I am noticing is that I try to allow myself A... ONE "free day" where I don't count calories or log what I eat. I don't try to think too much about what I am eating. It goes back to that whole, "don't deprive yourself or you will gorge on it" way of thinking. Buuuut, I allow myself this day more than once a week and I make excuses for it. Not a great way to start out a new way of living, right? This is why I cannot have cookies around, or delicious homemede white bread... I just can't right now. My will power is not strong enough yet.
Having said all of that, I must also add that I still have made better choices. Even though on those days I blew it, on the other days I didn't do too bad. Certainly better than I would have done two months ago. I am cooking/baking with whole wheat flour. I substitute no sugar added, home grown applesauce for fats in recipes. I add splenda instead of sugar (and barely any of that as it has a lot of chemicals and it tastes funny). I use oats in a lot of my cooking. I bake my own whole wheat bread, pizza dough, goodies, healthy cookies, tortillas, and a few other things. I try not to use ANY processed foods. Yeah, that is a challenge. But, it is do-able.
Before I started writing my blog, I watched "Food, Inc." YOW-SA... Talk about a way to jump start a life of eating right. It really is beneficial for EVERYONE to watch this movie. Please, if you care at all about what you are putting into your body and your kids bodies, PLEASE watch this movie. It isn't about becoming a vegan, a vegetarian, or a hippie. It is about becoming a conscious eater. It has truly changed my life and my family's life. It has changed the way my cupboards look. We eat better together. This is why I am not too upset by the fact that I am not losing weight as quickly as I had hoped (of course a lack of exercise at this point has a big part to play). I am not going on a "diet" and I am not making life changes alone. My family and I are making habits that will last much longer than a diet. These changes are saving OUR lives. So even if I don't lose another pound, that alone is worth it. Is this transition hard on all of us? Of course it is! These are years of bad eating habits that we are breaking. Is it worth it?! OF COURSE IT IS!!!
I think I may have mentioned Dave Ramsey in a previous post (and maybe even "Food, Inc."). Either way, we are traveling through Dave's book titled "Total Money Makeover". The reason I talk about this is to say that we have tried to cut out a lot of our "eating out", budget in order to save that money and put it where it needs to go. Beans-n-rice baby. When you mix that thought process along with the movie that I will probably continue to mention ;) it leads to.... not a lot of options for locally grown, organic, healthy, cheap food. However, there is one restaurant that for us stands out above the rest. Chipotle!! So, for any of you looking for great food at decent prices AND its good for you; there's one suggestion. And no, I am not getting paid by any of these companies, unfortunately...
So, to the point. As I stated earlier, I am NOT losing as quickly as I had hoped, but that for now is okay. I AM getting healthy. My weight for today is.... 181.4!! Yea! Still, after blowing it all those times, I am losing weight and it feels wonderful. I am not yet seeing results, but again I hope to work out more and I WILL without a doubt, continue to eat better. My fridge had never looked so colorful! So the journey to a healthier me and a closer relationship with the ONLY thing I want an addiction to (God) continues.
To my friends and family who stand behind me and continue to encourage me, THANK YOU!! I love you all dearly and would NEVER want to do this alone. God is so good to bring all of you into my life!!
As promised, I have a great recipe to share. Maybe you could bake these cake-like brownies up for your sweetie on Valentines day and feel good about it!
Brownie Batter:
- Mix together applesauce, splenda, eggs, and vanilla. Stir in cocoa, flour, salt, and baking powder. I whisk the dry ingredients first to get rid of any lumps and get them mixed well. Spread batter into prepared pan.
These are great! I did not use a frosting, but I did sprinkle some (SOME) all natural white chocolate chips on top after they came out of the oven and it was pretty good. I think I will just add some to the batter next time and make the brownies a bit gooey. As stated earlier, these are cake like. But, they are VERY good!
Have a great week everyone!!!!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
It's been a week!
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Well, I promised that on Tuesdays, I would make an effort to post my "updated" weight and how the week went. So, here I am!
I have to say that I truly do have a wonderful husband. When I posted my weight for last week, and I knew that he had read it, I was HUMILIATED. How did I let myself get to this point?! What I found amazing, was that HE wasn't humiliated. He said he was proud of me. What a heart of gold. I love you Brian!
This week was kind of tough in the aspect of food for me. Granted, It could have been MUCH worse emotionally, and all in all it was a good week. I am learning that eating right really is beneficial even if I am out of time for the day to workout. Trying to find time to exercise with two small ones has been challenging.
The most emotional filled day for me was this: On Saturday, my oldest woke up saying that his foot hurt really bad and I chalked it up to his foot being asleep (he explained it at first as pins and needles). As the day continued, he was having a hard time walking on it and kept complaining. At that point my husband (who is a wonderful Cardiac ICU nurse) and I thought maybe he had a pinched nerve and we continued to encourage him to walk on it as much as possible. Ummmm, not such a good idea. We had kept our eye on it all day and Brian noticed that it was darker than the other foot and was swollen and cold. So we quickly made the decision to take him to the hospital. Of course, before they leave, I open my big mouth and ask what the potential issues could be and answering quickly, my hubby responded, "lots of stuff, maybe a blood clot." GASP. Ohhh boy. Please drive safely, but quickly to the hospital!
He kept me updated via text and Praise God, no clot! But... a broken foot?! What?! Apparently overnight he received a slight stress fracture to his 3rd metatarsal. We had NO idea how it would have happened, but a dear friend who is a pediatric nurse suggested it maybe happened due to a growing spurt. It would make a lot of sense if you saw how big this kids feet are.
So, long story made longer... As they were at the hospital, mom guilt and worry overcame me and I TOTALLY binged on old candy and, well, whatever else I could find. Then it hit me. I wasn't going to God for my comfort. UGH. Lord, please forgive me. That's when I did it. I threw away the candy (after saving some for later) and then threw away the "later" stash. Yea! Although I ate it at first, I realized that what I was doing was wrong and WHY it was wrong... on a much deeper level than feeling guilty for eating too much candy. This time it MEANT something. That to me equals a change in my patterns.
After all, God isn't mad at me. He isn't disappointed... why should I beat myself up? I shouldn't. Perhaps that is the most important lesson for me this week. It was a mistake, but it doesn't define how this weight loss journey will end. Full of mistakes and steps backwards. Lesson learned. DON'T BINGE! Take "it" to God and lay it at His feet.
I am trying to get into a habit of exercising five days a week. Whew! That's a lot. I wanted to go running the other day and didn't. Not for any reason. Just didn't. Then I realized that I wouldn't be able to run for a couple of days due to weather. As I was sinking into a “funk” because of my "so soon" lack of determination, the "Voice Of Truth” came on the radio. Wow… What a reminder of the voice we need to listen to. Not to let the enemy sneak in and tell us we are worthless and lousy for not getting it done. Just... forgive yourself and don't quit!
Alrighty. I will get to the point. Having not worked out much this week, but eating MUCH healthier than I EVER have, this consistently. My weigh in for this morning was 182.4! Exactly two lbs. lighter :) Not much... but it is a start. I feel stronger, I have a lot more happy energy. I feel blessed.
I may have to update my blog more than once a week. It seems to be a helpful tool in keeping me on track. :) Thank you for listening and don't forget to check out myfitnesspal.com.
Have a great couple of days!
I have to say that I truly do have a wonderful husband. When I posted my weight for last week, and I knew that he had read it, I was HUMILIATED. How did I let myself get to this point?! What I found amazing, was that HE wasn't humiliated. He said he was proud of me. What a heart of gold. I love you Brian!
This week was kind of tough in the aspect of food for me. Granted, It could have been MUCH worse emotionally, and all in all it was a good week. I am learning that eating right really is beneficial even if I am out of time for the day to workout. Trying to find time to exercise with two small ones has been challenging.
The most emotional filled day for me was this: On Saturday, my oldest woke up saying that his foot hurt really bad and I chalked it up to his foot being asleep (he explained it at first as pins and needles). As the day continued, he was having a hard time walking on it and kept complaining. At that point my husband (who is a wonderful Cardiac ICU nurse) and I thought maybe he had a pinched nerve and we continued to encourage him to walk on it as much as possible. Ummmm, not such a good idea. We had kept our eye on it all day and Brian noticed that it was darker than the other foot and was swollen and cold. So we quickly made the decision to take him to the hospital. Of course, before they leave, I open my big mouth and ask what the potential issues could be and answering quickly, my hubby responded, "lots of stuff, maybe a blood clot." GASP. Ohhh boy. Please drive safely, but quickly to the hospital!
He kept me updated via text and Praise God, no clot! But... a broken foot?! What?! Apparently overnight he received a slight stress fracture to his 3rd metatarsal. We had NO idea how it would have happened, but a dear friend who is a pediatric nurse suggested it maybe happened due to a growing spurt. It would make a lot of sense if you saw how big this kids feet are.
So, long story made longer... As they were at the hospital, mom guilt and worry overcame me and I TOTALLY binged on old candy and, well, whatever else I could find. Then it hit me. I wasn't going to God for my comfort. UGH. Lord, please forgive me. That's when I did it. I threw away the candy (after saving some for later) and then threw away the "later" stash. Yea! Although I ate it at first, I realized that what I was doing was wrong and WHY it was wrong... on a much deeper level than feeling guilty for eating too much candy. This time it MEANT something. That to me equals a change in my patterns.
After all, God isn't mad at me. He isn't disappointed... why should I beat myself up? I shouldn't. Perhaps that is the most important lesson for me this week. It was a mistake, but it doesn't define how this weight loss journey will end. Full of mistakes and steps backwards. Lesson learned. DON'T BINGE! Take "it" to God and lay it at His feet.
I am trying to get into a habit of exercising five days a week. Whew! That's a lot. I wanted to go running the other day and didn't. Not for any reason. Just didn't. Then I realized that I wouldn't be able to run for a couple of days due to weather. As I was sinking into a “funk” because of my "so soon" lack of determination, the "Voice Of Truth” came on the radio. Wow… What a reminder of the voice we need to listen to. Not to let the enemy sneak in and tell us we are worthless and lousy for not getting it done. Just... forgive yourself and don't quit!
Alrighty. I will get to the point. Having not worked out much this week, but eating MUCH healthier than I EVER have, this consistently. My weigh in for this morning was 182.4! Exactly two lbs. lighter :) Not much... but it is a start. I feel stronger, I have a lot more happy energy. I feel blessed.
I may have to update my blog more than once a week. It seems to be a helpful tool in keeping me on track. :) Thank you for listening and don't forget to check out myfitnesspal.com.
Have a great couple of days!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
So soon?
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I know... only the second day (I wrote the previous post [my first post] yesterday, not this morning), and I'm at it again. The kids are napping. I'm waiting for the laundry to dry and yes... I have already worked out :) I have to say, I do love the thought of blogging now. It feels great!
Now onto something that WON'T feel so good. What I weigh. I knew this would be hard.. Just not THIS hard. It really is more embarrassing than anything, and I never thought I would be sharing this for all to see; but then, what would be the point if people didn't "see" the results, right?
So, here it goes. This morning for my weigh in, I was 184.4. Ouch. To some, that might not be that bad. However, this is something I have been battling for the last five years. Most of my life I have been around 125-130. A good healthy weight. People here in Colorado have never even seen me at a healthy weight. Ugh... so much time gone, so quickly.
Maybe I should talk about the addictive personality I have. When I go through something major in my life, I react in a way that isn't healthy, i.e. overeating. My mom passed away five years ago and I never really grieved over that loss... I didn't have TIME to grieve properly. I was the executor of her will. I had to organize the funeral (MUCH thanks to my Aunt Nancy for being there). I had to go through the rental she lived in and get it cleaned out for the next tenants. I know, people go through tragedy all of the time. We all handle it differently. I eat, or... ATE. If I was drinking at that point in my life, I would have drank. Not to mention, I quit smoking soon after she passed away. For anyone who has done that, you know where I am coming from.
I watch "Hoarders" on TLC and I am constantly amazed at the extreme people will to go to when something happens in their life and they don't know how to deal with it. I honestly can say that if I were to lose a child, I think that I may, one day be featured on that show. Maybe that's why I am so amazed? I totally get it? Thankfully I am also learning to let God heal me and hopefully I will never have to experience that BIG of a hurt. But, I have Him to lean on when I need him. My NEW "crutch." I would never want to go through this life without him.
Is that my lesson? To allow my addictive personality to lead me to a closer relationship with Him? I hope so. Already today I have prayed through a craving and it worked! Whoop! Maybe I can even become healthily addicted to working out if there is such a thing. If I rely on Him to help me, to heal me, to strengthen me... I can't fail.
So, once a week on Tuesdays I will try to post my weight and hopefully it will be a smaller number than the week before. I will also try to post some yummy HEALTHY recipes for you to try out. I already have quite a few in my recipe binder. Thank you Dave Ramsey for your "beans-n-rice" mentality. You have helped me more than you know.
This is a GREAT website for anyone who is interested.... Thank you Jane Loeber for introducing it to me ;)
www.myfitnesspal.com
Now onto something that WON'T feel so good. What I weigh. I knew this would be hard.. Just not THIS hard. It really is more embarrassing than anything, and I never thought I would be sharing this for all to see; but then, what would be the point if people didn't "see" the results, right?
So, here it goes. This morning for my weigh in, I was 184.4. Ouch. To some, that might not be that bad. However, this is something I have been battling for the last five years. Most of my life I have been around 125-130. A good healthy weight. People here in Colorado have never even seen me at a healthy weight. Ugh... so much time gone, so quickly.
Maybe I should talk about the addictive personality I have. When I go through something major in my life, I react in a way that isn't healthy, i.e. overeating. My mom passed away five years ago and I never really grieved over that loss... I didn't have TIME to grieve properly. I was the executor of her will. I had to organize the funeral (MUCH thanks to my Aunt Nancy for being there). I had to go through the rental she lived in and get it cleaned out for the next tenants. I know, people go through tragedy all of the time. We all handle it differently. I eat, or... ATE. If I was drinking at that point in my life, I would have drank. Not to mention, I quit smoking soon after she passed away. For anyone who has done that, you know where I am coming from.
I watch "Hoarders" on TLC and I am constantly amazed at the extreme people will to go to when something happens in their life and they don't know how to deal with it. I honestly can say that if I were to lose a child, I think that I may, one day be featured on that show. Maybe that's why I am so amazed? I totally get it? Thankfully I am also learning to let God heal me and hopefully I will never have to experience that BIG of a hurt. But, I have Him to lean on when I need him. My NEW "crutch." I would never want to go through this life without him.
Is that my lesson? To allow my addictive personality to lead me to a closer relationship with Him? I hope so. Already today I have prayed through a craving and it worked! Whoop! Maybe I can even become healthily addicted to working out if there is such a thing. If I rely on Him to help me, to heal me, to strengthen me... I can't fail.
So, once a week on Tuesdays I will try to post my weight and hopefully it will be a smaller number than the week before. I will also try to post some yummy HEALTHY recipes for you to try out. I already have quite a few in my recipe binder. Thank you Dave Ramsey for your "beans-n-rice" mentality. You have helped me more than you know.
This is a GREAT website for anyone who is interested.... Thank you Jane Loeber for introducing it to me ;)
www.myfitnesspal.com
My first post!
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Okay... If you read the "about me" section, you may be wondering why I titled my blog "Finding Myself." I don't have it all together, I'm just blessed through the mess. I have always heard, when someone is going through something (usually in younger years) that they are just trying to "find themselves." So, here I sit at thirty-three wondering how do to that. Over the years, I have lost myself to my addictions, my latest being food. All around I have a wonderful life; however as we all have, I have had some rough years as well. This is a blog about losing the weight of not only emotional garbage but the years of turning (more recently) to food and to heal those hurts. God has been working in my life radically to heal me from a lot of my past issues and I know that He is my counselor. My problem seems to be ignoring that quiet voice and eating... well, sometimes non-stop just because I choose to.
So, the other day I went to check my email, and saw an article on Yahoo about people blogging in order to help them lose weight and I figured... why the heck not. I will journal the highs and lows of this journey and hope to triumph along the way. Maybe I can even find accountability in this. I know who I am in Christ, I KNOW... I just want to look as good as I feel right now in this moment. As one of my favorite songs by Mercy Me says, "Lift up your hands and lay your burden down." God--- here it is, take this burden from me!!
Here is a bit more about my choice to get back into life. When I was eleven my father passed away. The worst part about it as I look back now is that it was preventable. He died of a heart attack at 50 years old. He chose not to exercise or eat right. Now, I am faced with those same decisions and for the last five years, I have made the choice to let food and laziness reign in my life. I have three A-MAZING boys and an INCREDIBLE husband who loves me for who I am, no matter what I look like. As I was contemplating doing the diet thing again, I realized that it was tragic for my dad to die young, and it would be tragic for me to as well. How can I leave my children, over something PREVENTABLE. So, today... I make the conscience decision to change the way I eat and the way I feed my family.
Of course, along with that comes the prospect of *sigh* exercise. I "run" on occasion and have pilates dvd's, ankle weights, a sand ball for toning, a total gym in the basement covered in dust... etc. That all changes... It changes TODAY!
I look forward to this challenge and Proverbs 16:3 says it wonderfully, "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
Not looking back to learn from your own history is, well, stupid. How can I not look back and reflect on past mistakes and what I can learn from them. I have even led a Bible study on weight loss. I don't know why it didn't work for me. We did learn a lot, again it just comes down to commitment and the choice that we face. My future doesn't have to look the same as my past. Thank God. I hope you can join me in this quest to find myself!
So, the other day I went to check my email, and saw an article on Yahoo about people blogging in order to help them lose weight and I figured... why the heck not. I will journal the highs and lows of this journey and hope to triumph along the way. Maybe I can even find accountability in this. I know who I am in Christ, I KNOW... I just want to look as good as I feel right now in this moment. As one of my favorite songs by Mercy Me says, "Lift up your hands and lay your burden down." God--- here it is, take this burden from me!!
Of course, along with that comes the prospect of *sigh* exercise. I "run" on occasion and have pilates dvd's, ankle weights, a sand ball for toning, a total gym in the basement covered in dust... etc. That all changes... It changes TODAY!
I look forward to this challenge and Proverbs 16:3 says it wonderfully, "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
Not looking back to learn from your own history is, well, stupid. How can I not look back and reflect on past mistakes and what I can learn from them. I have even led a Bible study on weight loss. I don't know why it didn't work for me. We did learn a lot, again it just comes down to commitment and the choice that we face. My future doesn't have to look the same as my past. Thank God. I hope you can join me in this quest to find myself!
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