Friday, June 24, 2011
Finding Myself: EmBarrassing
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Finding Myself: EmBarrassing: "Well, here we go... aaagain! It is so funny to me how I started this blog about weight loss and I feel like it is evolving into something mu..."
EmBarrassing
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Well, here we go... aaagain! It is so funny to me how I started this blog about weight loss and I feel like it is evolving into something much different than that. Thank you to everyone who reads this blog, it makes me feel like what I say matters and that it may even be a bit entertaining ;) More than that, thank you to all of our friends who take time to pray and check up on us, you are precious !!!! Yes, you know who you are! Okay, the more I thought about that statement, the more I felt like it just wasn't saying what I wanted it to say. ALL of our friends are PRECIOUS!!! We love each and every one of you!!!
So, I guess I will start with my weight. I have not lost anymore... yet. I am dragging this out until the end! I will be honest, I am more embarrassed than anything else. The fact that I should have lost at least 20 lbs by now and I am staying steady at 175 tells me that alas, I am, lazy when it comes to exercise. I don't get it. I really, really don't. How can I feel so badly about myself some days and not let that feeling push me into exercising is beyond me. I am so thankful for Linden though. He is going to kill me for telling you this, but here it goes (heck, we've all been there ;)) He went and got himself grounded. Like... REALLY grounded. I won't go into details, however he is going stir crazy! He just wants to go outside and skateboard, or ride his bike. Poor kid. I never got to go outside and play when I was grounded, did you? It is SUPPOSED to be miserable, right?! This kid is too smart. He knew that if he asked me if we all could go on a walk as a family that I would agree to that. After all, Aeron and Josiah LOVE walks and I NEED to. Smarty pants. So, I am thankful that he is grounded otherwise I probably would have never went running last night ;) Thanks Linden!!
There are SO many things going on in my life right now. I will tell you about them!
1. Josiah is my youngest sweetheart. He is a tiny 7 mos old now and just started crawling, yikes! As some of you know, when I was pregnant with him, during a routine ultrasound they found that one of his kidneys is enlarged (it's technically called Hydronephrosis. Basically your kidney has urine in it all the time, it never fully empties). This can eventually become a problem and cause kidney issues for him down the road if it goes untreated. After many, many scans both in utero and after he was born, it has not gotten any better. Just this last Tuesday, we went to Children's Hospital (LOVE them) where he had to be sedated and have a 45 minute nuclear medicine scan to see just where the problem was. Can I tell you that I think I still have postpartum depression to a small degree and I was a WRECK (to the point of complete embarrassment). We have yet to see the doctor, but he did call me to let me know that my sweet angel is going to have to have surgery to repair his kidney. I am just totally trusting God for the perfect outcome to this situation. Please pray in agreement with me for that! He sees what I cannot and I have no choice but to trust Him. He loves Josiah JUST as much as I do and that brings me a tremendous amount of peace. I will keep you updated on the outcome :)
2. I started a photography business! Now, I am not professionally trained, I am just a mommy who loves taking pictures! I KNOW that the lord has been pushing me in this direction for the last couple of years now, but fear and the thought of failing really kept me from experiencing what He had planned for me. Having said that, WHY is it that I feel like (and maybe you do too with certain things in your life) this business should have just taken off and I should have clients already?! Is that crazy? It makes me feel completely deflated. Why is that? Just because it is God's idea, does that mean it is supposed to be prosperous immediately? It just makes me feel lousy. Yeees, I know... it takes time to start any business. I can't explain it very well, maybe I am just impatient. Either way, I am NOT quitting, I will just try to be patient (NOT a quality that I carry very well). I still love taking pictures and always will, and I know that since this IS from God, it will be a good ride!
3. I am a crafter at heart. I LOVE crafting and had forgotten just how much I love being creative. I was looking at some blogs and came across the CuEteSt flower headbands. Not the big artificial flowers, but these are all made out of fabric. Oh. My. Gosh, I love these things. So much so , that I am now selling them online! I was even contacted to sell them on a Colorado Crafters website (kind of like Etsy, but only for Colorado peeps). How exciting!!! So, if you ever have the itch for some cute accessories for your daughter or yourself, now you know where to go ;) Hint hint. They are adorable on hats, purses, scarves, you name it!
My poor baby boy, hahaahahah. I promise never to do this to you again, but you make a great model! ;)
So, that's where I am at. 175 and not happy about it, but not so unhappy that I make myself exercise. Stupid, I know but it is what it is right now and only I have the power to change it. I am hoping that I do. My family is amazing, please pray for us. I love my life and wouldn't trade a minute of the trials because it is in those moments that I am vulnerable and My Heavenly Father wraps me up in His arms and makes me feel hat I belong to him. Thank you Lord for the ways that you show your love, it is AMAZING!!
So, I guess I will start with my weight. I have not lost anymore... yet. I am dragging this out until the end! I will be honest, I am more embarrassed than anything else. The fact that I should have lost at least 20 lbs by now and I am staying steady at 175 tells me that alas, I am, lazy when it comes to exercise. I don't get it. I really, really don't. How can I feel so badly about myself some days and not let that feeling push me into exercising is beyond me. I am so thankful for Linden though. He is going to kill me for telling you this, but here it goes (heck, we've all been there ;)) He went and got himself grounded. Like... REALLY grounded. I won't go into details, however he is going stir crazy! He just wants to go outside and skateboard, or ride his bike. Poor kid. I never got to go outside and play when I was grounded, did you? It is SUPPOSED to be miserable, right?! This kid is too smart. He knew that if he asked me if we all could go on a walk as a family that I would agree to that. After all, Aeron and Josiah LOVE walks and I NEED to. Smarty pants. So, I am thankful that he is grounded otherwise I probably would have never went running last night ;) Thanks Linden!!
There are SO many things going on in my life right now. I will tell you about them!
1. Josiah is my youngest sweetheart. He is a tiny 7 mos old now and just started crawling, yikes! As some of you know, when I was pregnant with him, during a routine ultrasound they found that one of his kidneys is enlarged (it's technically called Hydronephrosis. Basically your kidney has urine in it all the time, it never fully empties). This can eventually become a problem and cause kidney issues for him down the road if it goes untreated. After many, many scans both in utero and after he was born, it has not gotten any better. Just this last Tuesday, we went to Children's Hospital (LOVE them) where he had to be sedated and have a 45 minute nuclear medicine scan to see just where the problem was. Can I tell you that I think I still have postpartum depression to a small degree and I was a WRECK (to the point of complete embarrassment). We have yet to see the doctor, but he did call me to let me know that my sweet angel is going to have to have surgery to repair his kidney. I am just totally trusting God for the perfect outcome to this situation. Please pray in agreement with me for that! He sees what I cannot and I have no choice but to trust Him. He loves Josiah JUST as much as I do and that brings me a tremendous amount of peace. I will keep you updated on the outcome :)
2. I started a photography business! Now, I am not professionally trained, I am just a mommy who loves taking pictures! I KNOW that the lord has been pushing me in this direction for the last couple of years now, but fear and the thought of failing really kept me from experiencing what He had planned for me. Having said that, WHY is it that I feel like (and maybe you do too with certain things in your life) this business should have just taken off and I should have clients already?! Is that crazy? It makes me feel completely deflated. Why is that? Just because it is God's idea, does that mean it is supposed to be prosperous immediately? It just makes me feel lousy. Yeees, I know... it takes time to start any business. I can't explain it very well, maybe I am just impatient. Either way, I am NOT quitting, I will just try to be patient (NOT a quality that I carry very well). I still love taking pictures and always will, and I know that since this IS from God, it will be a good ride!
3. I am a crafter at heart. I LOVE crafting and had forgotten just how much I love being creative. I was looking at some blogs and came across the CuEteSt flower headbands. Not the big artificial flowers, but these are all made out of fabric. Oh. My. Gosh, I love these things. So much so , that I am now selling them online! I was even contacted to sell them on a Colorado Crafters website (kind of like Etsy, but only for Colorado peeps). How exciting!!! So, if you ever have the itch for some cute accessories for your daughter or yourself, now you know where to go ;) Hint hint. They are adorable on hats, purses, scarves, you name it!My poor baby boy, hahaahahah. I promise never to do this to you again, but you make a great model! ;)
So, that's where I am at. 175 and not happy about it, but not so unhappy that I make myself exercise. Stupid, I know but it is what it is right now and only I have the power to change it. I am hoping that I do. My family is amazing, please pray for us. I love my life and wouldn't trade a minute of the trials because it is in those moments that I am vulnerable and My Heavenly Father wraps me up in His arms and makes me feel hat I belong to him. Thank you Lord for the ways that you show your love, it is AMAZING!!
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