Finding Myself: Gotta get it off my chest.

Pin It Now! Finding Myself: Gotta get it off my chest.: Wow, has it been a long time! I guess I will start with what the blog is all about, and if you can't tell, I am in a crabby mood. So I apo...

Gotta get it off my chest.

Pin It Now! Wow, has it been a long time! 

I guess I will start with what the blog is all about, and if you can't tell, I am in a crabby mood. So I apoligize for the "tone" before we even get started. 

I am still at the same weight. There. I said it. 

I fluctuate which I can only assume is water weight. Am I disappointed? Of course. Do I hope that changes? Of course. But losing weight (or trying to rather) is one of the most difficult things I have done. I have found myself wondering WHEN my addictive personality reared its uuuugly little head. I have not always had this issue. I think that it deserves a little more exploring into the deep recesses of my heart and maybe I can find the answer there. I still struggle with all the things I had ranted about in previous posts. I still feel overwhelmed when I look at the scale, or when I try to get dressed on a daily basis, for that matter. I don't want people looking at me and thinking what I already know... that I haven't done what I set out to do. I saw a poster on Facebook that said something to the effect of (loosley quoted here) "It's simple, you either do it, or you don't" with a picture of a super tone lady working out. All it made me want to do was throw my computer through the glass door. Simply put, IT ISN'T THAT EASY!!!!!  If you have ever, ever dealt with an addictive personality, you know that. It. Just. Isn't. Am I making excuses? Ugh, maybe?? I don't have much more to hang onto than my lame excuses anymore anyways. Why am I bawling right now?!!?

Having said that, I am sorry I have not done better. Maybe I am just genetically screwed. Who knows. 

On to more interesting things.

Blogging is about letting go of your feelings, right? IS IT a safe place to do so, where friends will still love you regardless of what you say? 

I hope so, cause I have GOT to get this off my chest and I am so sorry for being too blunt, or if I come across as rude. I am an emotionally driven person and if I don't say it, I will expolde and my poor husband doesn't deserve that. Having said that... here it goes.

I own a photography business. 

I LOVE photography. 

I am a mwac (mom with a camera ;)) and DARN proud of the work I have accomplished. 

Does the fact that I did not go to school for photography change that? Nope.

In fact, I think it takes a lot of guts for someone to be self-taught in this industry. I did NOT go to school for photography, and I am proud of the fact that I have learned as much as I have with little, to no help. 

I have heard it said that (loosely quoted) " just because someone has a nice camera doesn't make them a photog, but rather a fauxtog". Nice, huh? I have a camera, and it is nice. But it isn't a "real photographer" camera. It is a point and shoot, basic, everyday family camera. As far as I am concerned, it is the eye behind the lens that takes good pictures, not the equipment. Do I want a better camera? Of course I do! But instead of charging that bad boy to a charge card, I am slowly saving, and earning my money to pay for it. Just like I am for all the other equipment I would like to own one day. 

Another thing I hear is that "real" photographers believe that a mwac charges too little because they don't realize how expensive the equpiment is, or that "we" pay %40 taxes out of our own pocket. Or how about this, mwacs don't understand that QUALITY photography is worth more than a meisly $150. Ummm, I have HUGE bone to pick on this one. I do, oh do I understand how expensive it is, and taxes are a necessary beast. But, as a NEW photographer (wether out of school or self taught), I would NEVER feel comfortable charging people what I see other photogs charging. One day, I am sure I can, without batting an eye, raise my prices and feel confident in that. For now, I think what I charge is FAIR. And if you can look at my pictures, love what you see AND get them at a great price, WHY NOT?!! I get the whole "you get what you pay for" saying... but seriously? I totally just explained that, right? 

I suppose I need thicker skin to own a business... no, I KNOW I do. I get so flustered because I feel like people look at this as if it were a hobby for me. Okay, it is NOT a hobby. I have put a TON of energy and resources to work, trying to get this train a movin' and for people to blow off appointments like it's no skin off their back really, really bothers me. This is a business. You would not blow off or cancel an appointment with your doctor, to go get your teeth whitened, or even an invite to a pool party, so please, please don't do it to me.  :) 

Coming fresh off the last paragraph, this is why I now require a deposit. Enough said. 

This brings me to another point. Just a "rule" of business. How many places do you go to that use contracts? I will list a few... doctors office, insurance, cable company, Olan Mills ;), you even sign a contract when you go to the store and sign for your purchases! Point made, right? So, why would I not have one for my business? Exactly. No need to be offended, or feel like I don't trust you. It is business. Plain and simple, and I will do my best to run this business accordingly; and fairly to ALL my clients. Every ligit business needs one, it is a necessity. 

I will also add this. To my friends who have a lifelong photographer, in NO way do I expect you to come  my way and let me do your pictures. If you have someone that your family loves, and that you work well with, then by all means, stay there!! I never want anyone to feel obligated to use me as their photographer. Having said that, if you are looking for someone, and you like my work, come on over! Just please don't hide it, or feel like you can't say anything to me about it. My feelings will be really hurt if you feel like you cannot communicate with me, not that you didn't use me! :) 

For now, I suppose that is all I need to say. Thank you for allowing me to vent my frustrations and hurt feelings. I love all of my friends dearly, and I have more good friends than bad and that makes me a very blessed gal. 

 Love you all-

Heather