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Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Finding Myself: Departure from my normal blog: Brown bag floors, w...
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Finding Myself: Departure from my normal blog: Brown bag floors, w...: Wow… I FINALLY took the brown paper bag floor plunge!!! Now, I consider myself to be a total DIY'er. So… yeah. For those of you that have b...
Departure from my normal blog: Brown bag floors, what the others have not told you!!
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Wow… I FINALLY took the brown paper bag floor plunge!!! Now, I consider myself to be a total DIY'er. So… yeah. For those of you that have been to my house in the last let's say, ohhhh 4(ish) years… you may have noticed the unfinished laminate flooring all along the main floor? And by unfinished, I mean no stairs done, no landings done, only some baseboard put up, totally plain subfloor… unfinished. Embarrassing, right?!!! I mean, we have a busy life and installing that laminate flooring almost ruined our marriage. Okay, not really, but seriously, that was terrible to install (for us at least). So when I found a link here to brown paper bag floors on Pinterest (LoVe), I just KNEW it was the answer we were looking for. We needed something cheap, we have wrap around stairs and those cost a bundle to carpet, so that was not an option. We were originally going to laminate the "normal" stairs and landings, then stain the wrap around stairs to match the laminate. The remaining laminate was still in boxes outside just waiting to be installed but who knew when that was going to happen and we were so tired of looking at the same un-done floor for so long, that they kind of wore on us in a not-so-good kinda way.
Now, I am in NO (I repeat Nooo) way here to knock what others have done, because if it weren't for their posts, I never would have found this flooring. We would be wondering what to do with our floors, while looking like we just really didn't care about our home. Not the case. After I started the floors, I wondered if there was anyone who had the same issues that I had, and I found not ONE blog about the negative side of this floor! Had I found someone telling me the bad side to this, would I have changed my mind? No way! But at least I would have known what to expect… I am the type of optimist (I think at least :)) that takes the dive, not thinking that it may be a long road or may be more difficult than I expected. Like fairy dust is sprinkled on everything and it's just happy, HaPpy, Happy!! Not so much on this journey. So, just consider this post as your "Caution: Please Read Before Entering" sign. Hopefully this will inform you before you take the plunge! Read it up and read her blog!! It has impertinent information that I cannot take the time to repeat if you want to do these floors!!! She also has pictures of supplies and a list of what is needed to finish the whole thing, I just give a quick list, a few links and it really isn't very organized. This is not a tutorial on how to do it… it is a tutorial on how to survive through it!
The rundown:
Here is a list of what is needed in no specific order, just running it off the top of my head. I will post a few pics and some prices as well… Brown paper bag floors are essentially just that. Minus going to the local grocery store and buying loads of brown bags, or saving all of your bags for a year ;). Any of your local home renovation stores will sell rolls of brown contractor paper, most of them in the isle with the drop cloths. Then you need gallons of Elmer's glue. That's right folks. Good ole' glue and yes, they sell it in gallons, (I used 3) my store had it in the same isle as the spray paint. WINE. A big bucket (not for wine, but for the glue, mine cost about 2$). Chip brushes… 3" (I bought 2) sold in the paint brush isle, wood filler, putty tool, floor sander (rented), stain (I used dark walnut), HELP (as in friends, family, neighbors, whoever you can get), polyurethane, latex gloves (a lot, they kind of disintegrate in the stain), staining pads (for stair edges, I found it much easier than a paint brush), PATIENCE, and can't forget the wine. Lambswool stain block (on a wood block), foam pad for the poly, replacement foam pad (if you have enough flooring to do, they curl up after some use), painters extending pole, chiropractor, touch-up paint, money for dinners, Oh, and a month! Now, our costs to date are around $350. NOT including dinners! That is far more than we expected. You can see from the pictures that it isn't that large of a house, so I am not sure why it is that big of a price difference form hers, but that's okay. $350 is far cheaper than carpet or hardwoods would have been… and those options are not nearly as unique. I am pretty peeved that it is taking as long as it is, I had to postpone a birthday party because the floors would not be usable by the original date set. Grrr. Think it out people, think it out.
The start:
We started this during the weekend, I believe it was a Saturday. So, I began by getting some of this wood filler. I needed three of them (@ $7.48 ea.) for all of our flooring. I filled in all of the nail holes, cracks, lines, whatever I could find. Let that dry, then sand it all down with this:
We rented it from Lowe's for $39.00 and there was supposed to be a deposit that they apparently forgot to charge me. Good thing I turned it back in, in good shape! ;) This bad boy is HEAVY!!! It probably will not fit in the back of a car, so I would advise against it. It fit nicely in my van, after the back seat was removed. Seriously, it is heavy. Get help. And my Lowe's, wasn't much in that department. They didn't even have someone to teach me how to use it, let a lone get it out to may van, so they made copies of the instruction manual and sent me on my way. I figured it out anyways. Along with this, you need Sanding discs. We used four packs, different grits (@ $6.59 ea.). Clearly this didn't get into the corners, so out came the Mouse sander and of course the mess. And the hurting lungs. All 24 stairs. Cough, cough, ouch. Afterward, a friend told me to use our shop vac behind the mouse to catch a lot of the dust! BrILLiaNt!!! Too bad it was too late ;) After removing what we could of the dust from the floors, it was time to get the paper down! Here is where I venture off for a minute:
I have three children. All boys. 15, 3, and 21 mos. My husband was out of town for the week. Do I need to explain more? I was super stubborn in the beginning. I thought, "Ohhh, what's the big deal??! I can totally do this. It is ripping paper and putting it in some glue, and laying it out." I started this portion of the project on a Monday. I REALLY wanted to have this done by the time he got home on Friday (little did I know he came home Thursday instead, but more on that later). So, I wanted him to walk in to a nice, clean, home… beautiful shiny new floors, a "Welcome Home" banner hanging form the stairs… Just because we really were tired of the old floors and how great to have new ones!!. Folks… the paper portion alone took me until SATURDAY!!! My dining room alone was Monday from 11-6:30. This is the size of my dining room:
It really is not that big!
From knees, to sitting cross legged, to one hip, to the other hip, Alllll weeeeeek. Hours. Really, the times I stopped were because of a poopy diaper, someone was hungry, or it was bedtime. Thank GOD for cartoons!!
Side note: If you wanna take up with my parenting skills for the last week and a half, then come help me with the floors first, got it?!! They survived, didn't they?!!
I wore jeans the first day. I would suggest not to do that. The glue that gets wiped onto the pants turns into a sandpaper like substance (the knee areas are kinda like bongos because of the glue ;)) and my forearms rubbed against it, making them R. A.W. The picture really does not do justice as this is the day after and I had used vitamin E oil on it the night before.
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| Yep, un-done floors, for 4 years. |
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| Old flooring |
The rundown:
Here is a list of what is needed in no specific order, just running it off the top of my head. I will post a few pics and some prices as well… Brown paper bag floors are essentially just that. Minus going to the local grocery store and buying loads of brown bags, or saving all of your bags for a year ;). Any of your local home renovation stores will sell rolls of brown contractor paper, most of them in the isle with the drop cloths. Then you need gallons of Elmer's glue. That's right folks. Good ole' glue and yes, they sell it in gallons, (I used 3) my store had it in the same isle as the spray paint. WINE. A big bucket (not for wine, but for the glue, mine cost about 2$). Chip brushes… 3" (I bought 2) sold in the paint brush isle, wood filler, putty tool, floor sander (rented), stain (I used dark walnut), HELP (as in friends, family, neighbors, whoever you can get), polyurethane, latex gloves (a lot, they kind of disintegrate in the stain), staining pads (for stair edges, I found it much easier than a paint brush), PATIENCE, and can't forget the wine. Lambswool stain block (on a wood block), foam pad for the poly, replacement foam pad (if you have enough flooring to do, they curl up after some use), painters extending pole, chiropractor, touch-up paint, money for dinners, Oh, and a month! Now, our costs to date are around $350. NOT including dinners! That is far more than we expected. You can see from the pictures that it isn't that large of a house, so I am not sure why it is that big of a price difference form hers, but that's okay. $350 is far cheaper than carpet or hardwoods would have been… and those options are not nearly as unique. I am pretty peeved that it is taking as long as it is, I had to postpone a birthday party because the floors would not be usable by the original date set. Grrr. Think it out people, think it out.
The start:
We started this during the weekend, I believe it was a Saturday. So, I began by getting some of this wood filler. I needed three of them (@ $7.48 ea.) for all of our flooring. I filled in all of the nail holes, cracks, lines, whatever I could find. Let that dry, then sand it all down with this:
We rented it from Lowe's for $39.00 and there was supposed to be a deposit that they apparently forgot to charge me. Good thing I turned it back in, in good shape! ;) This bad boy is HEAVY!!! It probably will not fit in the back of a car, so I would advise against it. It fit nicely in my van, after the back seat was removed. Seriously, it is heavy. Get help. And my Lowe's, wasn't much in that department. They didn't even have someone to teach me how to use it, let a lone get it out to may van, so they made copies of the instruction manual and sent me on my way. I figured it out anyways. Along with this, you need Sanding discs. We used four packs, different grits (@ $6.59 ea.). Clearly this didn't get into the corners, so out came the Mouse sander and of course the mess. And the hurting lungs. All 24 stairs. Cough, cough, ouch. Afterward, a friend told me to use our shop vac behind the mouse to catch a lot of the dust! BrILLiaNt!!! Too bad it was too late ;) After removing what we could of the dust from the floors, it was time to get the paper down! Here is where I venture off for a minute:
I have three children. All boys. 15, 3, and 21 mos. My husband was out of town for the week. Do I need to explain more? I was super stubborn in the beginning. I thought, "Ohhh, what's the big deal??! I can totally do this. It is ripping paper and putting it in some glue, and laying it out." I started this portion of the project on a Monday. I REALLY wanted to have this done by the time he got home on Friday (little did I know he came home Thursday instead, but more on that later). So, I wanted him to walk in to a nice, clean, home… beautiful shiny new floors, a "Welcome Home" banner hanging form the stairs… Just because we really were tired of the old floors and how great to have new ones!!. Folks… the paper portion alone took me until SATURDAY!!! My dining room alone was Monday from 11-6:30. This is the size of my dining room:
From knees, to sitting cross legged, to one hip, to the other hip, Alllll weeeeeek. Hours. Really, the times I stopped were because of a poopy diaper, someone was hungry, or it was bedtime. Thank GOD for cartoons!!
Side note: If you wanna take up with my parenting skills for the last week and a half, then come help me with the floors first, got it?!! They survived, didn't they?!!
I wore jeans the first day. I would suggest not to do that. The glue that gets wiped onto the pants turns into a sandpaper like substance (the knee areas are kinda like bongos because of the glue ;)) and my forearms rubbed against it, making them R. A.W. The picture really does not do justice as this is the day after and I had used vitamin E oil on it the night before.
I mentioned a Chiropractor in my 'items needed' list. Yep. I need one. The back and forth on my lower back really got something out of whack. Hips… oh boy, kind of reminiscent of early labor. Not even kidding.
All of that to get to the "HELP" portion of the 'items needed'. At one point early on, I asked my oldest to tear up big pieces of paper for me… big like this here…
This is what I got instead! LOL!! A whole bag full! I appreciated it anyways and used what I could.
I asked a couple of people and quite honestly, I felt like the guy in the comcast commercial who is moving and he calls his friends to ask for help. One is "sick" (she's out shopping I believe), one is at "work" (really surfing or something). Now, I am not saying at ALL that my friends would lie about helping me out, Okay?? But, I really needed help, and if you are okay with getting help, get it! Get some beer and pizza, and get some help. You will be so grateful you did. This will go much faster and would be so much more fun with another person, or two, or three! I had one friend who was willing to help out with my kiddos (love you!!) and God bless her!!! Listen, I get it.. people have lives! No need to further explain myself, however I will say this… by Thursday I was sitting on my steps literally bawling because my body hurt so badly, I saw no end in sight, and I could not get any help in getting the paper down, except this
Get help if you can. And dinner? Forget about it. At least I had to. We ordered out too much because I didn't have the energy or the room in my kitchen to make dinner. Pitiful really. Makes you so grateful for the kitchen you have when you are finally able to use it again!! So, if possible, budget in for that too… just in case :) I was trememdously blessesd (by that same friend who was going to take my kiddos) who had myself and my littles over for dinner on that very Thursday. She has no idea how that night saved my sanity ;)
So, My husband calls on Wednesday to pray with us for bedtime and prays for safe travels the next day (Thursday). I was surprised just because I didn't realize he was coming home early, but there was no WAY I would be done in time! He is amazing. He said it was okay, he would help all he could when he got home. And he did. We finally finished it together on Saturday. Good thing too. At this point, my oldest was away at football camp and there was no way possible I could have finished the wrap around stairs alone. No. Way. We did have to leave "walking spots" so we could go from one room to the next, but it all worked out well. I will say this. It. Is. Durable!!! I was really surprised without having put down any stain or poly at how well it holds up. Good thing too, leaving one side to the mercy of the kids while the other side gets the stain/poly treatment.
Thank GOODNESS!! Time for stain!! I went out and got the exact same stain and poly that was used in the above referenced blog. Lowe's doesn't carry that poly, so off to Home Depot I went. The reason why is, on her comments, people were complaining of clouding of the poly, and other issues. So, I figured if I got what she had, it minimized my chances of having issues. Here is the stain we used. Originally my hubs and I wanted a lighter color, but we agreed that it probably wouldn't take as the brown paper is kind of a darker shade anyways. If you are wanting a lighter color, perhaps you could use a different paper? We are happy happy with the dark walnut!! Now. People were complaining about the poly clouding over the stain. The chances of that happening are pretty good if I understand this correctly. Stay with me here. If you use a water based poly, you need to use a water based stain, and vise verse for oil based products. The recommendation for these floors is an oil based stain, and a water based poly. So, it more than likely WILL cloud. I used the oil stain, and the water based poly, and I think it worked great! I live in Colorado and we have had rain (no complaining here!!) and crazy humidity for our area (figures ;)). The only thing I think it affected as far as the floors go, was the drying time on the stain, which being oil based will take awhile anyways. I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly the poly dried, but here is the big issue… the poly has to be applied at least 8 times. Drying time in-between coats is 8 hours, even though it is walkable within 2 hours. so, one coat in the am, one in the pm. We have a long house, that is corralled off by a large baby gate so the small kids can't walk on the fresh poly. After the four- five days of applying the poly, it HAS to cure for a week! That is almost a full two weeks with only half of the house. This is after a previous week of placing paper down! Then we have to go and do the same to the other side… hence, why it is taking so long.
The solution:
The whole floor has been "papered". Clearly we cannot stain ALL of it at once. So, we moved the dining room table into the garage (yes, the first week, during the paper phase, we ate in the overly crowded garage… gross). Moved the china hutch and buffet into the kitchen, moved the couches and entertainment center into the dining room. Got it so far? Gated off this living room so it is off limits:
Every other stair gets a coating of stain. The living room gets stain. The landings minus a couple stepping spots gets stain. Allow to dry for 24 hours. Stain the stepping spots and the other stairs. Poly the first stained stairs and the living room, place sticky notes like the ones in the picture so I know which ones have been polyied how many times, and then we live in the dining room :) Did I mention re-paint once this is all over with? Re-paint the area around the stairs that took me four days to finish a year ago? Because I apparently cannot do this without making a HuMonGo mess.
Not only will I be re-painting, but I, along with whomever decides to brave the brown paper bag floor will also be cleaning all the walls. The glue likes to squirt out all over the walls, little hands can reach over and touch the stairs before the stain is dry and then they grab the railings like this
Before I went to my friends house for dinner that Thursday, she found out that I had not one glass of wine all week, she said "Oh honey, that's where you went wrong!" Ha!!! Gotta love a friend who tells it like it is! Lo and behold.. she was RIGHT! I had a glass on Friday afternoon and this floor was sooo much easier to work on! Let's just hope the floors end up better than my Martha Stewart DIY glitter wine glass!
So here is what I have so far, I can't wait to finish and get pictures posted of a house with baseboards and floors that are cohesive throughout. As I stated previously, I still would have done the floors, but I really would have loved to know exactly what I was getting myself into. Maybe some call it whining? Eh, you do it for this long and tell me what you think ;)
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| Upstairs landing |
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| I think this fireplace needs a whitewashing… now especially with the dark floors, don't you?!! Just don't tell the hubs ;) |
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| Stairwell |
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Finding Myself: It's working, people!! IT'S WORKIING!
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Finding Myself: It's working, people!! IT'S WORKIING!: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. I am not in my usual writting mood, so bear with me please. :) So, I was recently volunteering at VBS and overhear...
It's working, people!! IT'S WORKIING!
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Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. I am not in my usual writting mood, so bear with me please. :)
So, I was recently volunteering at VBS and overheard someone saying that they just paid 50$ to be a part of a weight loss challenge. My interest peaked, and that was when I heard my calling :) I FBooked the leader of the pack and asked to be in!
Let me back up… Slow down a bit. A couple of months ago, we had joined a gym about 30 minutes away, which turned out to be too much of a drive for gas reasons. Then we decided to go for our local rec center, and I am so so glad we did. It is comparable in price, they have childcare, classes are included and best of all, its local! My 15 yr old wants to be a trainer, so this is even more beneficial for him! I have found that I LOVE LOVE LOVE body pump (free weights) and zumba. And here I thought I would be pacified with running around the track or using the treadmill. Silly me. ;) All in all, I am hooked. Working out is so FUN when you find what is right for you! I have an elliptical at home, but one funny thing I learned about myself is that I seem to be a bit ADD when it comes to working out on ONE machine for an hour. Gag. One more plus for the gym!
Of course, like always, I can always find an excuse to stay at home, not go workout. Even with my new found love of the gym. It seems if I can just get dressed and into the car, then I am feeling good about going. Up until that point though, it is always a challenge. I was fluctuating in pounds slightly over the last few months, but mostly watching the number go up a little here, a little there. My husband is incredibly sweet and understanding. What a man. Sundays are usually my worst, trying to get ready for church, when I don't feel like dressing this thang up at all. I think women who love their bodies, regardless of size, are ah-maz-ing. I don't know how they do it. I just want to be happy in my own skin. To look in the mirror and recognize the lady staring back at me. Is it embarrassing that I announced to the blogging world along with friends over a year ago that I wanted to lose weight, and I have not lost it yet? You take a stab at that one. Equally as embarrassing are the moments I have to face people at church every week (I am certain however that they love me regardless :)) You would think that feeling alone would be enough to make me run to the gym, work out, then run back home. The opposite happens, I ran right to the pantry. Yuck.
A dear friend got me a fantastic book to read called "Made To Crave". If you struggle AT ALL with food, I highly suggest this book. It is full of God's redeeming love for us. And it explains WHY we crave. As over eaters, or unhealthy eaters, we are just feeding that craving with food instead of God, and then we run into problems. This book is Fuuunny and quick witted. There is also a devotional to go along with it, my hubs surprised me with that earlier this week <3
Obviously, a lot more has happened since my last post , but neither you or I have the time for it right now, I am sure.
So, I will leave you with this: I am doing the weight loss challenge. I think it is just what I needed. Everything has fallen into place, all in His timing. I will not share my weight loss numbers yet, it adds a bit more challenge to the challenge :) But I AM losing, Praise God! Stay tuned! Once I lose more, I will start posting before and after pics.
So, I was recently volunteering at VBS and overheard someone saying that they just paid 50$ to be a part of a weight loss challenge. My interest peaked, and that was when I heard my calling :) I FBooked the leader of the pack and asked to be in!
Let me back up… Slow down a bit. A couple of months ago, we had joined a gym about 30 minutes away, which turned out to be too much of a drive for gas reasons. Then we decided to go for our local rec center, and I am so so glad we did. It is comparable in price, they have childcare, classes are included and best of all, its local! My 15 yr old wants to be a trainer, so this is even more beneficial for him! I have found that I LOVE LOVE LOVE body pump (free weights) and zumba. And here I thought I would be pacified with running around the track or using the treadmill. Silly me. ;) All in all, I am hooked. Working out is so FUN when you find what is right for you! I have an elliptical at home, but one funny thing I learned about myself is that I seem to be a bit ADD when it comes to working out on ONE machine for an hour. Gag. One more plus for the gym!
Of course, like always, I can always find an excuse to stay at home, not go workout. Even with my new found love of the gym. It seems if I can just get dressed and into the car, then I am feeling good about going. Up until that point though, it is always a challenge. I was fluctuating in pounds slightly over the last few months, but mostly watching the number go up a little here, a little there. My husband is incredibly sweet and understanding. What a man. Sundays are usually my worst, trying to get ready for church, when I don't feel like dressing this thang up at all. I think women who love their bodies, regardless of size, are ah-maz-ing. I don't know how they do it. I just want to be happy in my own skin. To look in the mirror and recognize the lady staring back at me. Is it embarrassing that I announced to the blogging world along with friends over a year ago that I wanted to lose weight, and I have not lost it yet? You take a stab at that one. Equally as embarrassing are the moments I have to face people at church every week (I am certain however that they love me regardless :)) You would think that feeling alone would be enough to make me run to the gym, work out, then run back home. The opposite happens, I ran right to the pantry. Yuck.
A dear friend got me a fantastic book to read called "Made To Crave". If you struggle AT ALL with food, I highly suggest this book. It is full of God's redeeming love for us. And it explains WHY we crave. As over eaters, or unhealthy eaters, we are just feeding that craving with food instead of God, and then we run into problems. This book is Fuuunny and quick witted. There is also a devotional to go along with it, my hubs surprised me with that earlier this week <3
Obviously, a lot more has happened since my last post , but neither you or I have the time for it right now, I am sure.
So, I will leave you with this: I am doing the weight loss challenge. I think it is just what I needed. Everything has fallen into place, all in His timing. I will not share my weight loss numbers yet, it adds a bit more challenge to the challenge :) But I AM losing, Praise God! Stay tuned! Once I lose more, I will start posting before and after pics.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Finding Myself: UGH!!!! What the WhAt!!??
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Finding Myself: UGH!!!! What the WhAt!!??: I am so frigging angry right now. I know I said I wouldn't weigh myself frequently, and there is a good reason why you I shouldn't. I kno...
UGH!!!! What the WhAt!!??
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I am so frigging angry right now. I know I said I wouldn't weigh myself frequently, and there is a good reason why you I shouldn't.
I know the best way to gauge weight loss is by the way your clothes feel. But when you don your ugliest fat jeans and they still make you feel like a stuffed sausage, that's not a good sign.
I have worked my REAR END off the last week and a half. Have I over-eaten? A little. But NOTHING in comparison to what I used to do. I am eating healthier foods. I am eating fruits and veggies. I choked down the worst salad ever yesterday, just because I knew it was good for me. I am tracking my food intake, and exercise daily. I have a friend holding me accountable and she is religious about texting me to see how I am doing (THANK YOU!!!! I love you!).
So, when I put on my sausage stuffers yesterday, I wanted to SCREAM. I KNOW this takes time, but really??!! I expected to at least be able to wear put a ring on my finger that should fit... not too snugly this time. For those of you who don't know, I had to have my wedding band cut off my chubby little finger. I have been wearing costume jewelry rings for the last 2+ years. Even the same old costume jewelry fits the same as it did 2 weeks ago. I thought at least I would be able to breathe a LITTLE easier in those jeans. And how weird is it that some pants "feel" different (I think) and some feel worse than they did 2 weeks ago?!?
Gosh DARNIT. I am so mad right now. WHY am I doing this to myself???? I have never worked so hard at something, and for NO results? I am already at my whits end. All I want to do is cry. I know I shouldn't give up and I don't want to. I know ultimately it is about being healthy. I get all that. I just thought I would see some difference. SOMETHING, anything different. Usually you can see a little loss in someones face. Not one person has noticed... not that I have either. Don't get me wrong, the last thing I want is people lying to me about how "great I look", or... "Wow! You have lost so much weight!"
So, I know that muscle weighs more than fat, and as we work out, the scale is not a reliable source of weight loss, for that reason. So, this is my question. Shouldn't I be losing SOME fat? How long do I keep working my rear off, before I talk to my doctor? Shouldn't I be loosing some fat first, then put on weight from muscle? Someone who knows the answer to these questions, please answer them in the comments section. That way anyone else who is having these issues can find a little guidance as well.
My biggest fear? That I make this bigger than it needs to be, and that God loses first place in my life. I don't want to think about weight all day long. I want to think about HIM. I pray that this becomes a lifestyle that I can live, without it taking over every aspect of who I am. I am more than this... (Right?) Oh, Lord help me. I need your strength and support. I need wisdom and guidance. I need perspective. I know you want me to be healthy. Help me to stay focused on YOU and let my family and others around me be held above this junk (it's bold and fat for a reason). Help this to be a learning time in my life and a time of spiritual growth. And help me to lose some weight.
Thnak you for letting me vent. I needed it. Not all cotton candy and unicorns, huh! Life is a journey. I know there are worse things than being unhappy with your appearance. I have had massive hurts in my life, far bigger than this. I will try to keep this in perspective. I am off to the elliptical. Pray for me if you think about it.
I leave you with this: my bit of motivation to actually exercise today...
All my love-
Heather
I know the best way to gauge weight loss is by the way your clothes feel. But when you don your ugliest fat jeans and they still make you feel like a stuffed sausage, that's not a good sign.
I have worked my REAR END off the last week and a half. Have I over-eaten? A little. But NOTHING in comparison to what I used to do. I am eating healthier foods. I am eating fruits and veggies. I choked down the worst salad ever yesterday, just because I knew it was good for me. I am tracking my food intake, and exercise daily. I have a friend holding me accountable and she is religious about texting me to see how I am doing (THANK YOU!!!! I love you!).
So, when I put on my sausage stuffers yesterday, I wanted to SCREAM. I KNOW this takes time, but really??!! I expected to at least be able to wear put a ring on my finger that should fit... not too snugly this time. For those of you who don't know, I had to have my wedding band cut off my chubby little finger. I have been wearing costume jewelry rings for the last 2+ years. Even the same old costume jewelry fits the same as it did 2 weeks ago. I thought at least I would be able to breathe a LITTLE easier in those jeans. And how weird is it that some pants "feel" different (I think) and some feel worse than they did 2 weeks ago?!?
Gosh DARNIT. I am so mad right now. WHY am I doing this to myself???? I have never worked so hard at something, and for NO results? I am already at my whits end. All I want to do is cry. I know I shouldn't give up and I don't want to. I know ultimately it is about being healthy. I get all that. I just thought I would see some difference. SOMETHING, anything different. Usually you can see a little loss in someones face. Not one person has noticed... not that I have either. Don't get me wrong, the last thing I want is people lying to me about how "great I look", or... "Wow! You have lost so much weight!"
So, I know that muscle weighs more than fat, and as we work out, the scale is not a reliable source of weight loss, for that reason. So, this is my question. Shouldn't I be losing SOME fat? How long do I keep working my rear off, before I talk to my doctor? Shouldn't I be loosing some fat first, then put on weight from muscle? Someone who knows the answer to these questions, please answer them in the comments section. That way anyone else who is having these issues can find a little guidance as well.
My biggest fear? That I make this bigger than it needs to be, and that God loses first place in my life. I don't want to think about weight all day long. I want to think about HIM. I pray that this becomes a lifestyle that I can live, without it taking over every aspect of who I am. I am more than this... (Right?) Oh, Lord help me. I need your strength and support. I need wisdom and guidance. I need perspective. I know you want me to be healthy. Help me to stay focused on YOU and let my family and others around me be held above this junk (it's bold and fat for a reason). Help this to be a learning time in my life and a time of spiritual growth. And help me to lose some weight.
Thnak you for letting me vent. I needed it. Not all cotton candy and unicorns, huh! Life is a journey. I know there are worse things than being unhappy with your appearance. I have had massive hurts in my life, far bigger than this. I will try to keep this in perspective. I am off to the elliptical. Pray for me if you think about it.
I leave you with this: my bit of motivation to actually exercise today...
All my love-
Heather
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Finding Myself: "She woke up one day and threw away all her excuse...
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Finding Myself: "She woke up one day and threw away all her excuse...: For those of you who have been following my blog from the beginning, this will serve as a reminder of some things I have been through. For ...
"She woke up one day and threw away all her excuses"
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For those of you who have been following my blog from the beginning, this will serve as a reminder of some things I have been through. For those of you who have just picked up this book, this is a look into my past. For all of you... this post is a glance of days gone by... days that I never knew existed until this week. This is quite lengthy, but if you can push through, I promise, it will be worth it.
I worked out like a boss this week. 6 days straight!! Not going to weigh myself, and I don't feel much of a difference in my clothes.. yet. It's coming, I know that and I'm not giving in this time!!! I see a difference (I think ?) in my ankles. Weird. I seem to second guess my memory of what I looked like the week before, so I will be taking pictures for my progress :) The title of this post is now my motto. I see it on a daily basis and it helps to keep me on track. No more excuses! They are in the trash :)
Before Christmas I was walking through Lifeway bookstore, trying to find gifts for my family. For one reason or another I always end up in the sale isle, and this trip was no exception. As I was browsing the book titles, looking for what would hopefully be a life-changing, awe inspiring, best of the best, book for Brian, I happened to glance upon a book titled "Chocolatherapy; Satisfying the Deepest Cravings of Your Inner Chick" by Karen Scalf Linamen. I know... WHO buys gifts for themselves at Christmastime?! For some reason, this book called out to me. It looked funny, it was a book about emotional eating, and it was on clearance, so I figured why not. Some days I am just hoping to get a shower, let alone read. Christmas came and went (and for those of you wondering, no... Brian did not get a book) and the book sat unread, along with the mountain of reading materials that still reside on my nightstand. Some self-help, some fiction, some non-fiction. You get the point... not enough time. Ever.
As I stated in my last post, I just got an elliptical (LOVE). One of the biggest disadvantages to exercising indoors is... dun, dun, dun... the screen. That darned screen. The constant reminder that you have gone so little, and have so far to go. The numbers t-i-c-k-i-n-g by so slowly you could run a marathon in between seconds. What else is there to DO??! ! ! *Gasp* READ!!! Oh praise God. Thank you for words typed onto paper, that can keep my mind from telling me "not there yet, Heather!" So many books to chose from, what is a girl to read?! Ah ha... there it is. I was hungry for a change and willing to wrap my brain around anything that would promise hope.
As I began reading this book, I found it to be extremely witty, fun filled, very well written, intelligent, and she had managed to put onto paper, words that describe me to a T. Little did I know, I was about to embark on an excursion that would reach into the depths of my soul. Areas that hadn't been seen by anyone in years. Like the scary attic in Grandma's house that you would not dare step foot into. There are cobwebs, dark corners filled with secrets, little to no light, creaking floors, and maybe even a skeleton or two.
I approached the middle of the book, confident that it was in some way, shape, or form, helping me to succeed in figuring out WHY I had an addictive personality. Not just to food. Alcohol and drugs all once played a starring role in my life. But WHY. I don't remember having unhealthy ideas about food, (or anything else for that matter) growing up. So not only why, but WHEN. When did my mind suddenly switch to self-destruct? After much thought and prayer, I think I know when. I believe it happened when we told my mother that I had been sexually abused by my step-brother. Her response was nothing short of shocking and I believe that from that point on,my brain (not my brain... my heart) pushed the giant red STOP button.
As some of you know, my mom and biological dad were divorced when I was one. He remarried soon after, as did she. My dad and step-mom adopted two beautiful, amazing girls from Haiti. Now, I don't know if either of you read this. If you do, please know that I truly do love you. This is my viewpoint of how I grew up, and you may feel totally different. I appreciate that, and want to honor your memories of this time in your life. When I was growing up, I can remember feeling so insanely jealous of them. They got to live with my daddy. They got his love daily. They got to hug him everyday. They got to run into his arms when he came home from work. On the other side of town, I was waiting by the front door for him to come get me for my scheduled visit. Many times it seems, he never came. I was waiting for MY hug, and MY kiss, and MY daddy's love. He wasn't a terrible man. He just wasn't there like I needed him to be. In fact, looking past the hurt of those days, I can also remember his awesome, boisterous laugh. His huge hands that looked like they belonged to a giant. The gentle spirit that he seemed to have. I believe he loved me. Not because I really felt it, but because I am hopeless when it comes to healing. My dad died when I was 11 years old. A lifetime ago. A lifetime of hurt to make up for.
My step-father was more absent than present. I don't really remember much of my childhood. At least not happy memories. I think not being able to remember all of it, is God's way of protecting me from what He knows I just cannot handle remembering! I am okay with that, and grateful for a God that wants to protect me that way.
Getting back to the book, and close to the end of this post. Chapter 4 is titled Love. She references fathers, frequently in this chapter. Mostly, I think, because she understands that we have an inexplicable desire to be loved by our fathers. She goes on to say on page 49 "... While dads aren't exactly universal in nature, what is universal is our longing for a really great one. I don't know what kind of dad you had. My most heartfelt hope is that he was really amazing, just like mine. But either way, you and I are created to long for the same thing.
If I could describe that longing with an image, it would be this: a father cupping the face of his daughter in his hands, looking deep into her eyes and saying, 'Hey, you're mine. You belong to me. Whether you're clumsy or poised, grumpy or kind, good or bad, serene or mad... whether you behave like the perfect princess or you mess up royally... none of that changes the fact that you belong to me and I love you."
Oh. My. Gosh. Waterworks. I have never read such sweet words, nor have I EVER... EVER understood my desire, my NEED for my daddy to speak those sweet, kind, loving words to me and directly into my heart. To look into my eyes and for me to KNOW that he loves me. I never knew that a lack of those words could cause such a tremendous uprising in my soul. In that corner of the attic.. over there, that hasn't been seen by the light of day, (let alone by any person) or swept, or dusted in... ages.
Remember at the beginning, how I promised that this would be worth it? Here is the best news I could possibly EVER tell you. After I read that, after I bawled and realized that I had this longing to be loved, like I had never realized it before... Jesus spoke to me. As He cupped my face in His tender, kind, loving, fatherly hands, He said this... "Hey, you're mine. You belong to me. Whether you're clumsy or poised, grumpy or kind, good or bad, serene or mad... whether you behave like the perfect princess or you mess up royally... none of that changes the fact that you belong to me and I love you."
I am permanently in His family. And while I was a broken hearted little girl, sitting by the door, waiting for my daddy's car to pull up, I am now a woman, healing from those hurts. Not because of anything I have done for myself, or for Him, but because of what He has done for me. This life, this Hope, this Joy, can be found and is available to anyone who wants it.
Am I done with overeating? Well, it took years to create this addiction and it will take awhile to get rid of it. But I know that I am loved. I understand that more now than I ever have.
God Bless you!!!
All my love-
Heather
I worked out like a boss this week. 6 days straight!! Not going to weigh myself, and I don't feel much of a difference in my clothes.. yet. It's coming, I know that and I'm not giving in this time!!! I see a difference (I think ?) in my ankles. Weird. I seem to second guess my memory of what I looked like the week before, so I will be taking pictures for my progress :) The title of this post is now my motto. I see it on a daily basis and it helps to keep me on track. No more excuses! They are in the trash :)
Before Christmas I was walking through Lifeway bookstore, trying to find gifts for my family. For one reason or another I always end up in the sale isle, and this trip was no exception. As I was browsing the book titles, looking for what would hopefully be a life-changing, awe inspiring, best of the best, book for Brian, I happened to glance upon a book titled "Chocolatherapy; Satisfying the Deepest Cravings of Your Inner Chick" by Karen Scalf Linamen. I know... WHO buys gifts for themselves at Christmastime?! For some reason, this book called out to me. It looked funny, it was a book about emotional eating, and it was on clearance, so I figured why not. Some days I am just hoping to get a shower, let alone read. Christmas came and went (and for those of you wondering, no... Brian did not get a book) and the book sat unread, along with the mountain of reading materials that still reside on my nightstand. Some self-help, some fiction, some non-fiction. You get the point... not enough time. Ever.
As I stated in my last post, I just got an elliptical (LOVE). One of the biggest disadvantages to exercising indoors is... dun, dun, dun... the screen. That darned screen. The constant reminder that you have gone so little, and have so far to go. The numbers t-i-c-k-i-n-g by so slowly you could run a marathon in between seconds. What else is there to DO??! ! ! *Gasp* READ!!! Oh praise God. Thank you for words typed onto paper, that can keep my mind from telling me "not there yet, Heather!" So many books to chose from, what is a girl to read?! Ah ha... there it is. I was hungry for a change and willing to wrap my brain around anything that would promise hope.
As I began reading this book, I found it to be extremely witty, fun filled, very well written, intelligent, and she had managed to put onto paper, words that describe me to a T. Little did I know, I was about to embark on an excursion that would reach into the depths of my soul. Areas that hadn't been seen by anyone in years. Like the scary attic in Grandma's house that you would not dare step foot into. There are cobwebs, dark corners filled with secrets, little to no light, creaking floors, and maybe even a skeleton or two.
I approached the middle of the book, confident that it was in some way, shape, or form, helping me to succeed in figuring out WHY I had an addictive personality. Not just to food. Alcohol and drugs all once played a starring role in my life. But WHY. I don't remember having unhealthy ideas about food, (or anything else for that matter) growing up. So not only why, but WHEN. When did my mind suddenly switch to self-destruct? After much thought and prayer, I think I know when. I believe it happened when we told my mother that I had been sexually abused by my step-brother. Her response was nothing short of shocking and I believe that from that point on,
As some of you know, my mom and biological dad were divorced when I was one. He remarried soon after, as did she. My dad and step-mom adopted two beautiful, amazing girls from Haiti. Now, I don't know if either of you read this. If you do, please know that I truly do love you. This is my viewpoint of how I grew up, and you may feel totally different. I appreciate that, and want to honor your memories of this time in your life. When I was growing up, I can remember feeling so insanely jealous of them. They got to live with my daddy. They got his love daily. They got to hug him everyday. They got to run into his arms when he came home from work. On the other side of town, I was waiting by the front door for him to come get me for my scheduled visit. Many times it seems, he never came. I was waiting for MY hug, and MY kiss, and MY daddy's love. He wasn't a terrible man. He just wasn't there like I needed him to be. In fact, looking past the hurt of those days, I can also remember his awesome, boisterous laugh. His huge hands that looked like they belonged to a giant. The gentle spirit that he seemed to have. I believe he loved me. Not because I really felt it, but because I am hopeless when it comes to healing. My dad died when I was 11 years old. A lifetime ago. A lifetime of hurt to make up for.
My step-father was more absent than present. I don't really remember much of my childhood. At least not happy memories. I think not being able to remember all of it, is God's way of protecting me from what He knows I just cannot handle remembering! I am okay with that, and grateful for a God that wants to protect me that way.
Getting back to the book, and close to the end of this post. Chapter 4 is titled Love. She references fathers, frequently in this chapter. Mostly, I think, because she understands that we have an inexplicable desire to be loved by our fathers. She goes on to say on page 49 "... While dads aren't exactly universal in nature, what is universal is our longing for a really great one. I don't know what kind of dad you had. My most heartfelt hope is that he was really amazing, just like mine. But either way, you and I are created to long for the same thing.
If I could describe that longing with an image, it would be this: a father cupping the face of his daughter in his hands, looking deep into her eyes and saying, 'Hey, you're mine. You belong to me. Whether you're clumsy or poised, grumpy or kind, good or bad, serene or mad... whether you behave like the perfect princess or you mess up royally... none of that changes the fact that you belong to me and I love you."
Oh. My. Gosh. Waterworks. I have never read such sweet words, nor have I EVER... EVER understood my desire, my NEED for my daddy to speak those sweet, kind, loving words to me and directly into my heart. To look into my eyes and for me to KNOW that he loves me. I never knew that a lack of those words could cause such a tremendous uprising in my soul. In that corner of the attic.. over there, that hasn't been seen by the light of day, (let alone by any person) or swept, or dusted in... ages.
Remember at the beginning, how I promised that this would be worth it? Here is the best news I could possibly EVER tell you. After I read that, after I bawled and realized that I had this longing to be loved, like I had never realized it before... Jesus spoke to me. As He cupped my face in His tender, kind, loving, fatherly hands, He said this... "Hey, you're mine. You belong to me. Whether you're clumsy or poised, grumpy or kind, good or bad, serene or mad... whether you behave like the perfect princess or you mess up royally... none of that changes the fact that you belong to me and I love you."
I am permanently in His family. And while I was a broken hearted little girl, sitting by the door, waiting for my daddy's car to pull up, I am now a woman, healing from those hurts. Not because of anything I have done for myself, or for Him, but because of what He has done for me. This life, this Hope, this Joy, can be found and is available to anyone who wants it.
Am I done with overeating? Well, it took years to create this addiction and it will take awhile to get rid of it. But I know that I am loved. I understand that more now than I ever have.
God Bless you!!!
All my love-
Heather
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Finding Myself: Can I get an E-LLIP-TICAL?! What's that spell? ELL...
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Finding Myself: Can I get an E-LLIP-TICAL?! What's that spell? ELL...: Alright, alright. I have a lot to share today. I suppose that is what happens when you wait too long to update your blog!! ;) Please read on...
Can I get an E-LLIP-TICAL?! What's that spell? ELLIPTICAL!!
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Alright, alright. I have a lot to share today. I suppose that is what happens when you wait too long to update your blog!! ;) Please read on!
I had been underestimating myself for awhile now.
Feeling like "it" cannot be accomplished because of Hashimotos, and my food addiction. So why even bother. I have been making excuses (although some are valid excuses), too much of the time. It's like a person I worked with used to say, "Excuses are like butts, everyone has them, and they all stink" (kinder words used here :)).
I don't really know how to put my addiction of food into words, although I give it a go and hope that somehow it brings hope to someone else.
There are a few people who have influenced my decision not to take this crap lying down. To get back up, dust of my runners and get going. One of them is a dear friend since my childhood (yes, I have permission to tell you this ;)). You know who you are and you are irreplaceable to me. I love you dearly my friend. She has had a hard time losing weight and battles it like many of us do. Her hard work is paying off and I love it when she texts me to let me know that she had to use a belt!!! So far, she has lost 40 pounds and I could not be more proud of her. Keep up the good work! Of course, there is my husband who you all know, I just adore. He is a source of compassion, grace, encouragement, and a kick in the rear (sometimes even an unwelcome one). I love you so much. We have been BLESSED with some AMAZING people in our lives. I had posted on FB that I was looking for an elliptical to buy, and a friend mentioned that they had one and they were willing to sell to us. They gave us a heck of a deal and delivered it to boot! You guys have NO idea what a positive impact you make on peoples lives. Thank you so much. We love you!! Sherri, thank you for holding me accountable, please don't stop! XoXo. And to my other friends who are losing weight... you made me a bit jealous and gosh darn it, why should I be the one left waiting for another train?! ;) Keep up the good work, I am proud of you!
I humbly ask for help. I really, really need accountability. From lots of people. My husband gives me accountability, but for some reason, it isn't taken the right way (thanks to my female hormones?). I am sure someone out there understands that ;). I need people texting me daily, or every other day to make sure I am doing what I need to do, and if I am not, TELL ME TO DO IT. Even if it seems like I may be irritated, don't forget that I asked for the help! This is truly the hardest thing I have ever done... and I have had 3 children. HELP.
The exciting part of this post??? The elliptical :) :) :) I LOVE this thing! Now, I know, running is free, walking is free. You might even say, "Heather, what about all those workout videos you have collecting dust in that drawer?" Yikes, that one speaks for itself. Have you ever taken a jog or a walk with a child who refuses to wear sunglasses (in a state that has sun shining 300 days a year)? He won't let me cover the stroller with a blanket. He won't wear a hat. He makes it MISERABLE to go outside and exercise. He screams the entire time because of the sun. Not. Fun. The elliptical allows me to have the workout I need, in my home, so the kids can still play happily :). Not to mention, it cannot fit into a drawer and be forgotten about. It sits in my dining room, screaming at me ;) I did it a little bit over the weekend and could barely do it on 1, for 5 minutes! So sad!!! I have been doing it consistently for 2 days now (LOL. I know, I know). Yesterday for 20 minutes up to a 3 resistance and today for 30 minutes up to a 4 resistance!! It hurts so good :) I am hoping to get up to a 7 or 8 resistance and a full hour! Ohhhh... It just started snowing <3
Another revelation I have had is that weighing myself daily is bad. I refuse to weigh myself . I just won't do it. I don't think that it is a good way for me to gauge how much I am losing. And truthfully, if I don't see the number I want to see, it just drives me to the fridge. So, maybe once a week I will check and see where it is at and I am happy to do it that way. Last weigh in I was at 185. Thanks again hashis. I will clarify that for just a second. I gained 10 − 15 lbs within a month and a half. Seriously? That is not due to eating food, that is due to a metabolism imbalance caused by hashimotos. Stupid hashis.
So, for those of you who are serious about holding me accountable, please let me know one way or another and I will be in contact with you soon. Thank you for your prayers, as you know that is a great way to encourage someone :).
Here is a little something to help those like me ;)
Have a blessed life everyone!!
Go workout and eat right!! Someone out there loves you and wants you to stay around for awhile ;)
I had been underestimating myself for awhile now.
Feeling like "it" cannot be accomplished because of Hashimotos, and my food addiction. So why even bother. I have been making excuses (although some are valid excuses), too much of the time. It's like a person I worked with used to say, "Excuses are like butts, everyone has them, and they all stink" (kinder words used here :)).
I don't really know how to put my addiction of food into words, although I give it a go and hope that somehow it brings hope to someone else.
There are a few people who have influenced my decision not to take this crap lying down. To get back up, dust of my runners and get going. One of them is a dear friend since my childhood (yes, I have permission to tell you this ;)). You know who you are and you are irreplaceable to me. I love you dearly my friend. She has had a hard time losing weight and battles it like many of us do. Her hard work is paying off and I love it when she texts me to let me know that she had to use a belt!!! So far, she has lost 40 pounds and I could not be more proud of her. Keep up the good work! Of course, there is my husband who you all know, I just adore. He is a source of compassion, grace, encouragement, and a kick in the rear (sometimes even an unwelcome one). I love you so much. We have been BLESSED with some AMAZING people in our lives. I had posted on FB that I was looking for an elliptical to buy, and a friend mentioned that they had one and they were willing to sell to us. They gave us a heck of a deal and delivered it to boot! You guys have NO idea what a positive impact you make on peoples lives. Thank you so much. We love you!! Sherri, thank you for holding me accountable, please don't stop! XoXo. And to my other friends who are losing weight... you made me a bit jealous and gosh darn it, why should I be the one left waiting for another train?! ;) Keep up the good work, I am proud of you!
I humbly ask for help. I really, really need accountability. From lots of people. My husband gives me accountability, but for some reason, it isn't taken the right way (thanks to my female hormones?). I am sure someone out there understands that ;). I need people texting me daily, or every other day to make sure I am doing what I need to do, and if I am not, TELL ME TO DO IT. Even if it seems like I may be irritated, don't forget that I asked for the help! This is truly the hardest thing I have ever done... and I have had 3 children. HELP.
The exciting part of this post??? The elliptical :) :) :) I LOVE this thing! Now, I know, running is free, walking is free. You might even say, "Heather, what about all those workout videos you have collecting dust in that drawer?" Yikes, that one speaks for itself. Have you ever taken a jog or a walk with a child who refuses to wear sunglasses (in a state that has sun shining 300 days a year)? He won't let me cover the stroller with a blanket. He won't wear a hat. He makes it MISERABLE to go outside and exercise. He screams the entire time because of the sun. Not. Fun. The elliptical allows me to have the workout I need, in my home, so the kids can still play happily :). Not to mention, it cannot fit into a drawer and be forgotten about. It sits in my dining room, screaming at me ;) I did it a little bit over the weekend and could barely do it on 1, for 5 minutes! So sad!!! I have been doing it consistently for 2 days now (LOL. I know, I know). Yesterday for 20 minutes up to a 3 resistance and today for 30 minutes up to a 4 resistance!! It hurts so good :) I am hoping to get up to a 7 or 8 resistance and a full hour! Ohhhh... It just started snowing <3
Another revelation I have had is that weighing myself daily is bad. I refuse to weigh myself . I just won't do it. I don't think that it is a good way for me to gauge how much I am losing. And truthfully, if I don't see the number I want to see, it just drives me to the fridge. So, maybe once a week I will check and see where it is at and I am happy to do it that way. Last weigh in I was at 185. Thanks again hashis. I will clarify that for just a second. I gained 10 − 15 lbs within a month and a half. Seriously? That is not due to eating food, that is due to a metabolism imbalance caused by hashimotos. Stupid hashis.
So, for those of you who are serious about holding me accountable, please let me know one way or another and I will be in contact with you soon. Thank you for your prayers, as you know that is a great way to encourage someone :).
Here is a little something to help those like me ;)
Have a blessed life everyone!!
Go workout and eat right!! Someone out there loves you and wants you to stay around for awhile ;)
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