Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Finding Myself: UGH!!!! What the WhAt!!??
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Finding Myself: UGH!!!! What the WhAt!!??: I am so frigging angry right now. I know I said I wouldn't weigh myself frequently, and there is a good reason why you I shouldn't. I kno...
UGH!!!! What the WhAt!!??
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I am so frigging angry right now. I know I said I wouldn't weigh myself frequently, and there is a good reason why you I shouldn't.
I know the best way to gauge weight loss is by the way your clothes feel. But when you don your ugliest fat jeans and they still make you feel like a stuffed sausage, that's not a good sign.
I have worked my REAR END off the last week and a half. Have I over-eaten? A little. But NOTHING in comparison to what I used to do. I am eating healthier foods. I am eating fruits and veggies. I choked down the worst salad ever yesterday, just because I knew it was good for me. I am tracking my food intake, and exercise daily. I have a friend holding me accountable and she is religious about texting me to see how I am doing (THANK YOU!!!! I love you!).
So, when I put on my sausage stuffers yesterday, I wanted to SCREAM. I KNOW this takes time, but really??!! I expected to at least be able to wear put a ring on my finger that should fit... not too snugly this time. For those of you who don't know, I had to have my wedding band cut off my chubby little finger. I have been wearing costume jewelry rings for the last 2+ years. Even the same old costume jewelry fits the same as it did 2 weeks ago. I thought at least I would be able to breathe a LITTLE easier in those jeans. And how weird is it that some pants "feel" different (I think) and some feel worse than they did 2 weeks ago?!?
Gosh DARNIT. I am so mad right now. WHY am I doing this to myself???? I have never worked so hard at something, and for NO results? I am already at my whits end. All I want to do is cry. I know I shouldn't give up and I don't want to. I know ultimately it is about being healthy. I get all that. I just thought I would see some difference. SOMETHING, anything different. Usually you can see a little loss in someones face. Not one person has noticed... not that I have either. Don't get me wrong, the last thing I want is people lying to me about how "great I look", or... "Wow! You have lost so much weight!"
So, I know that muscle weighs more than fat, and as we work out, the scale is not a reliable source of weight loss, for that reason. So, this is my question. Shouldn't I be losing SOME fat? How long do I keep working my rear off, before I talk to my doctor? Shouldn't I be loosing some fat first, then put on weight from muscle? Someone who knows the answer to these questions, please answer them in the comments section. That way anyone else who is having these issues can find a little guidance as well.
My biggest fear? That I make this bigger than it needs to be, and that God loses first place in my life. I don't want to think about weight all day long. I want to think about HIM. I pray that this becomes a lifestyle that I can live, without it taking over every aspect of who I am. I am more than this... (Right?) Oh, Lord help me. I need your strength and support. I need wisdom and guidance. I need perspective. I know you want me to be healthy. Help me to stay focused on YOU and let my family and others around me be held above this junk (it's bold and fat for a reason). Help this to be a learning time in my life and a time of spiritual growth. And help me to lose some weight.
Thnak you for letting me vent. I needed it. Not all cotton candy and unicorns, huh! Life is a journey. I know there are worse things than being unhappy with your appearance. I have had massive hurts in my life, far bigger than this. I will try to keep this in perspective. I am off to the elliptical. Pray for me if you think about it.
I leave you with this: my bit of motivation to actually exercise today...
All my love-
Heather
I know the best way to gauge weight loss is by the way your clothes feel. But when you don your ugliest fat jeans and they still make you feel like a stuffed sausage, that's not a good sign.
I have worked my REAR END off the last week and a half. Have I over-eaten? A little. But NOTHING in comparison to what I used to do. I am eating healthier foods. I am eating fruits and veggies. I choked down the worst salad ever yesterday, just because I knew it was good for me. I am tracking my food intake, and exercise daily. I have a friend holding me accountable and she is religious about texting me to see how I am doing (THANK YOU!!!! I love you!).
So, when I put on my sausage stuffers yesterday, I wanted to SCREAM. I KNOW this takes time, but really??!! I expected to at least be able to wear put a ring on my finger that should fit... not too snugly this time. For those of you who don't know, I had to have my wedding band cut off my chubby little finger. I have been wearing costume jewelry rings for the last 2+ years. Even the same old costume jewelry fits the same as it did 2 weeks ago. I thought at least I would be able to breathe a LITTLE easier in those jeans. And how weird is it that some pants "feel" different (I think) and some feel worse than they did 2 weeks ago?!?
Gosh DARNIT. I am so mad right now. WHY am I doing this to myself???? I have never worked so hard at something, and for NO results? I am already at my whits end. All I want to do is cry. I know I shouldn't give up and I don't want to. I know ultimately it is about being healthy. I get all that. I just thought I would see some difference. SOMETHING, anything different. Usually you can see a little loss in someones face. Not one person has noticed... not that I have either. Don't get me wrong, the last thing I want is people lying to me about how "great I look", or... "Wow! You have lost so much weight!"
So, I know that muscle weighs more than fat, and as we work out, the scale is not a reliable source of weight loss, for that reason. So, this is my question. Shouldn't I be losing SOME fat? How long do I keep working my rear off, before I talk to my doctor? Shouldn't I be loosing some fat first, then put on weight from muscle? Someone who knows the answer to these questions, please answer them in the comments section. That way anyone else who is having these issues can find a little guidance as well.
My biggest fear? That I make this bigger than it needs to be, and that God loses first place in my life. I don't want to think about weight all day long. I want to think about HIM. I pray that this becomes a lifestyle that I can live, without it taking over every aspect of who I am. I am more than this... (Right?) Oh, Lord help me. I need your strength and support. I need wisdom and guidance. I need perspective. I know you want me to be healthy. Help me to stay focused on YOU and let my family and others around me be held above this junk (it's bold and fat for a reason). Help this to be a learning time in my life and a time of spiritual growth. And help me to lose some weight.
Thnak you for letting me vent. I needed it. Not all cotton candy and unicorns, huh! Life is a journey. I know there are worse things than being unhappy with your appearance. I have had massive hurts in my life, far bigger than this. I will try to keep this in perspective. I am off to the elliptical. Pray for me if you think about it.
I leave you with this: my bit of motivation to actually exercise today...
All my love-
Heather
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