It's been a week!

Pin It Now! Well, I promised that on Tuesdays, I would make an effort to post my "updated" weight and how the week went. So, here I am!

I have to say that I truly do have a wonderful husband. When I posted my weight for last week, and I knew that he had read it, I was HUMILIATED. How did I let myself get to this point?! What I found amazing, was that HE wasn't humiliated. He said he was proud of me. What a heart of gold. I love you Brian!

This week was kind of tough in the aspect of food for me. Granted, It could have been MUCH worse emotionally, and all in all it was a good week. I am learning that eating right really is beneficial even if I am out of time for the day to workout. Trying to find time to exercise with two small ones has been challenging.

The most emotional filled day for me was this: On Saturday, my oldest woke up saying that his foot hurt really bad and I chalked it up to his foot being asleep (he explained it at first as pins and needles). As the day continued, he was having a hard time walking on it and kept complaining. At that point my husband (who is a wonderful Cardiac ICU nurse) and I thought maybe he had a pinched nerve and we continued to encourage him to walk on it as much as possible. Ummmm, not such a good idea. We had kept our eye on it all day and Brian noticed that it was darker than the other foot and was swollen and cold. So we quickly made the decision to take him to the hospital. Of course, before they leave, I open my big mouth and ask what the potential issues could be and answering quickly, my hubby responded, "lots of stuff, maybe a blood clot." GASP. Ohhh boy. Please drive safely, but quickly to the hospital!

He kept me updated via text and Praise God, no clot! But... a broken foot?! What?! Apparently overnight he received a slight stress fracture to his 3rd metatarsal. We had NO idea how it would have happened, but a dear friend who is a pediatric nurse suggested it maybe happened due to a growing spurt. It would  make a lot of sense if you saw how big this kids feet are.

So, long story made longer... As they were at the hospital, mom guilt and worry overcame me and I TOTALLY binged on old candy and, well, whatever else I could find. Then it hit me. I wasn't going to God for my comfort. UGH. Lord, please forgive me. That's when I did it. I threw away the candy (after saving some for later) and then threw away the "later" stash. Yea! Although I ate it at first, I realized that what I was doing was wrong and WHY it was wrong... on a much deeper level than feeling guilty for eating too much candy. This time it MEANT something. That to me equals a change in my patterns.

After all, God isn't mad at me. He isn't disappointed... why should I beat myself up? I shouldn't. Perhaps that is the most important lesson for me this week. It was a mistake, but it doesn't define how this weight loss journey will end. Full of mistakes and steps backwards. Lesson learned. DON'T BINGE! Take "it" to God and lay it at His feet.

I am trying to get into a habit of exercising five days a week. Whew! That's a lot. I wanted to go running the other day and didn't. Not for any reason. Just didn't. Then I realized that I wouldn't be able to run for a couple of days due to weather. As I was sinking into a “funk” because of my "so soon" lack of determination, the "Voice Of Truth” came on the radio. Wow… What a reminder of the voice we need to listen to. Not to let the enemy sneak in and tell us we are worthless and lousy for not getting it done. Just... forgive yourself and don't quit!

Alrighty. I will get to the point. Having not worked out much this week, but eating MUCH healthier than I EVER have, this consistently. My weigh in for this morning was 182.4! Exactly two lbs. lighter :) Not much... but it is a start. I feel stronger, I have a lot more happy energy. I feel blessed.

I may have to update my blog more than once a week. It seems to be a helpful tool in keeping me on track.  :)  Thank you for listening and don't forget to check out myfitnesspal.com. 

Have a great couple of days!

So soon?

Pin It Now! I know... only the second day (I wrote the previous post [my first post] yesterday, not this morning), and I'm at it again. The kids are napping. I'm waiting for the laundry to dry and yes... I have already worked out :) I have to say, I do love the thought of blogging now. It feels great!

Now onto something that WON'T feel so good. What I weigh. I knew this would be hard.. Just not THIS hard. It really is more embarrassing than anything, and I never thought I would be sharing this for all to see; but then, what would be the point if people didn't "see" the results, right?

So, here it goes. This morning for my weigh in, I was 184.4. Ouch. To some, that might not be that bad. However, this is something I have been battling for the last five years. Most of my life I have been around 125-130. A good healthy weight. People here in Colorado have never even seen me at a healthy weight. Ugh... so much time gone, so quickly.

Maybe I should talk about the addictive personality I have. When I go through something major in my life, I react in a way that isn't healthy, i.e. overeating. My mom passed away five years ago and I never really grieved over that loss... I didn't have TIME to grieve properly. I was the executor of her will. I had to organize the funeral (MUCH thanks to my Aunt Nancy for being there). I had to go through the rental she lived in and get it cleaned out for the next tenants. I know, people go through tragedy all of the time. We all handle it differently. I eat, or... ATE. If I was drinking at that point in my life, I would have drank. Not to mention, I quit smoking soon after she passed away. For anyone who has done that, you know where I am coming from.

I watch "Hoarders" on TLC and I am constantly amazed at the extreme people will to go to when something happens in their life and they don't know how to deal with it. I honestly can say that if I were to lose a child, I think that I may, one day be featured on that show. Maybe that's why I am so amazed? I totally get it? Thankfully I am also learning to let God heal me and hopefully I will never have to experience that BIG of a hurt. But, I have Him to lean on when I need him. My NEW "crutch." I would never want to go through this life without him.

Is that my lesson? To allow my addictive personality to lead me to a closer relationship with Him? I hope so. Already today I have prayed through a craving and it worked! Whoop! Maybe I can even become healthily addicted to working out if there is such a thing. If I rely on Him to help me, to heal me, to strengthen me... I can't fail.

So, once a week on Tuesdays I will try to post my weight and hopefully it will be a smaller number than the week before. I will also try to post some yummy HEALTHY recipes for you to try out. I already have quite a few in my recipe binder. Thank you Dave Ramsey for your "beans-n-rice" mentality. You have helped me more than you know.

This is a GREAT website for anyone who is interested.... Thank you Jane Loeber for introducing it to me ;)
www.myfitnesspal.com

My first post!

Pin It Now! Okay... If you read the "about me" section, you may be wondering why I titled my blog "Finding Myself." I don't have it all together, I'm just blessed through the mess. I have always heard, when someone is going through something (usually in younger years) that they are just trying to "find themselves." So, here I sit at thirty-three wondering how do to that. Over the years, I have lost myself to my addictions, my latest being food. All around I have a wonderful life; however as we all have, I have had some rough years as well. This is a blog about losing the weight of not only emotional garbage but the years of turning (more recently) to food and to heal those hurts. God has been working in my life radically to heal me from a lot of my past issues and I know that He is my counselor. My problem seems to be ignoring that quiet voice and eating... well, sometimes non-stop just because I choose to.

So, the other day I went to check my email, and saw an article on Yahoo about people blogging in order to help them lose weight and I figured... why the heck not. I will journal the highs and lows of this journey and hope to triumph along the way. Maybe I can even find accountability in this. I know who I am in Christ, I KNOW... I just want to look as good as I feel right now in this moment. As one of my favorite songs by Mercy Me says, "Lift up your hands and lay your burden down." God--- here it is, take this burden from me!!

Here is a bit more about my choice to get back into life. When I was eleven my father passed away. The worst part about it as I look back now is that it was preventable. He died of a heart attack at 50 years old. He chose not to exercise or eat right. Now, I am faced with those same decisions and for the last five years, I have made the choice to let food and laziness reign in my life. I have three  A-MAZING boys and an INCREDIBLE husband who loves me for who I am, no matter what I look like. As I was contemplating doing the diet thing again, I realized that it was tragic for my dad to die young, and it would be tragic for me to as well. How can I leave my children, over something PREVENTABLE. So, today... I make the conscience decision to change the way I eat and the way I feed my family.

Of course, along with that comes the prospect of *sigh* exercise. I "run" on occasion and have pilates dvd's, ankle weights, a sand ball for toning, a total gym in the basement covered in dust... etc. That all changes... It changes TODAY!

I look forward to this challenge and Proverbs 16:3 says it wonderfully, "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."

Not looking back to learn from your own history is, well, stupid. How can I not look back and reflect on past mistakes and what I can learn from them. I have even led a Bible study on weight loss. I don't know why it didn't work for me. We did learn a lot, again it just comes down to commitment and the choice that we face. My future doesn't have to look the same as my past. Thank God. I hope you can join me in this quest to find myself!