Can I get an E-LLIP-TICAL?! What's that spell? ELLIPTICAL!!

Pin It Now! Alright, alright. I have a lot to share today. I suppose that is what happens when you wait too long to update your blog!! ;) Please read on!

I had been underestimating myself for awhile now.
Feeling like "it" cannot be accomplished because of Hashimotos, and my food addiction. So why even bother. I have been making excuses (although some are valid excuses), too much of the time. It's like a person I worked with used to say, "Excuses are like butts, everyone has them, and they all stink" (kinder words used here :)).
I don't really know how to put my addiction of food into words, although I give it a go and hope that somehow it brings hope to someone else.

There are a few people who have influenced my decision not to take this crap lying down. To get back up, dust of my runners and get going. One of them is a dear friend since my childhood (yes, I have permission to tell you this ;)). You know who you are and you are irreplaceable to me. I love you dearly my friend. She has had a hard time losing weight and battles it like many of us do. Her hard work is paying off and I love it when she texts me to let me know that she had to use a belt!!! So far, she has lost 40 pounds and I could not be more proud of  her. Keep up the good work! Of course, there is my husband who you all know, I just adore. He is a source of compassion, grace, encouragement, and a kick in the rear (sometimes even an unwelcome one). I love you so much. We have been BLESSED with some AMAZING people in our lives. I had posted on FB that I was looking for an elliptical to buy, and a friend mentioned that they had one and they were willing to sell to us. They gave us a heck of a deal and delivered it to boot! You guys have NO idea what a positive impact you make on peoples lives. Thank you so much. We love you!! Sherri, thank you for holding me accountable, please don't stop! XoXo. And to my other friends who are losing weight... you made me a bit jealous and gosh darn it, why should I be the one left waiting for another train?! ;) Keep up the good work, I am proud of you!

I humbly ask for help. I really, really need accountability. From lots of people. My husband gives me accountability, but for some reason, it isn't taken the right way (thanks to my female hormones?). I am sure someone out there understands that ;). I need people texting me daily, or every other day to make sure I am doing what I need to do, and if I am not, TELL ME TO DO IT. Even if it seems like I may be irritated, don't forget that I asked for the help! This is truly the hardest thing I have ever done... and I have had 3 children. HELP.

The exciting part of this post??? The elliptical :) :) :) I LOVE this thing! Now, I know, running is free, walking is free. You might even say, "Heather, what about all those workout videos you have collecting dust in that drawer?" Yikes, that one speaks for itself. Have you ever taken a jog or a walk with a child who refuses to wear sunglasses (in a state that has sun shining 300 days a year)? He won't let me cover the stroller with a blanket. He won't wear a hat. He makes it MISERABLE  to go outside and exercise. He screams the entire time because of the sun. Not. Fun. The elliptical allows me to have the workout I need, in my home, so the kids can still play happily :). Not to mention, it cannot fit into a drawer and be forgotten about. It sits in my dining room, screaming at me ;) I did it a little bit over the weekend and could barely do it on 1, for 5 minutes! So sad!!! I have been doing it consistently for 2 days now (LOL. I know, I know). Yesterday for 20 minutes up to a 3 resistance and today for 30 minutes up to a 4 resistance!! It hurts so good :) I am hoping to get up to a 7 or 8 resistance and a full hour! Ohhhh... It just started snowing <3

Another revelation I have had is that weighing myself daily is bad. I refuse to weigh myself . I just won't do it. I don't think that it is a good way for me to gauge how much I am losing. And truthfully, if I don't see the number I want to see, it just drives me to the fridge. So, maybe once a week I will check and see where it is at and I am happy to do it that way. Last weigh in I was at 185. Thanks again hashis. I will clarify that for just a second. I gained 10 − 15 lbs within a month and a half. Seriously? That is not due to eating food, that is due to a metabolism imbalance caused by hashimotos. Stupid hashis.

So, for those of you who are serious about holding me accountable, please let me know one way or another and I will be in contact with you soon. Thank you for your prayers, as you know that is a great way to encourage someone :).

Here is a little something to help those like me ;)

Have a blessed life everyone!!
Go workout and eat right!! Someone out there loves you and wants you to stay around for awhile ;)

Finding Myself: This could get ugly.

Pin It Now! Finding Myself: This could get ugly.: Here I am. Once again. Feeling so sad and disappointed, words cannot describe. Since my last post, I have GAINED 10 pounds. Too much for y...

This could get ugly.

Pin It Now! Here I am. Once again. Feeling so sad and disappointed, words cannot describe.

Since my last post, I have GAINED 10 pounds. Too much for you? Yeah, me too.... let me back up a bit.

I had previously written a post about how "happy" I was to be diagnosed with (#&@**%) Hashimotos. At lease now I knew why it was difficult to get out of bed, and why it was hard to lose weight, and why I couldn't turn off the faucets that are now referred to as my eyes. Don't get me wrong, I was happy! Now we could get to work at regulating my thyroid and getting my life back on track!

Little did I know, I would have a doctor who would seem to care less about my ongoing issues. I mean, when I am feeling good, I feel GREAT! I guess that's what happens when you know what it really feels like to feel crappy, you can really appreciate when it is good! But why does it only last for a week or a little more... or less?! For the most part, I am still exhausted. I am still super emotional, not to mention irritable (sorry Brian. I love you XoXo). The happiness I had felt when I was diagnosed has turned to a giant sour disgusting pill that is very hard to swallow. It could always be worse. I know that. I have people in my life that have fought or are fighting much worse battles than this. But this is MY life and it is something that I have to deal with on a daily basis, just as others have to deal with their problems or illnesses. It isn't ever easy for the person going through it is what I am trying to say. I still want to give God the glory and I hope that somehow, someway He can use what I am going through for good.

Having said all of that, I think that my weight gain is simply my thyroid going through its hormonal stage and I am PRAYING that it stops. My meds have been adjusted (by a different doctor) and those could take 6 months to "regulate".  I have not eaten better, but I certainly have not been eating worse. The gain (beyond blaming Hashimotos) really is unexplainable.

Let us get to the root... again.

If I don't see results immediately, I cave. I feel like there is no hope. I feel as if I am caught in the weight cycle again. The problem with a lot of the diet "helps"out there are that I cannot have too much protein, I only have 1 kidney and it is hard to filter too much protein. I cannot use substitute protein items such as soy, because it supposedly creates conflict between my body and the thyroid it is already attacking. There is no medical proof of that, it is just what some people think and I have done soy meal replacement shakes and believe for myself, that it interfered with my thyroid. So, no more of that.

I have an addiction to food. I had someone suggest in a previous post that maybe it wasn't a real food addiction issue, but that maybe it was just laziness. Well, I don't know about you, but when I walk into the kitchen on days that I am really trying to beat this thing, and I start to shake because I want the food... that sounds like more than laziness to me. Am I exhausted, yep. Does that make me lazy? On most bad days, yep. But that has no bearing on how I feel when I walk into an area filled with food. When I allow myself to indulge in what I should be staying away from (p.s. I over-eat healthy food too), I feel good for a minute, then moments later I am so disappointed in myself, I could cry. Just today as I made a resolution to eat better, I had to go into that area... you know... the place that sounds like mitchen? My mouth was literally salivating and all I could think was WHY didn't I buy gum the last time I was at the store?! Maybe that would help. Gum! CURSES!!!! I began to tremble in my hands. I felt like a junkie. And, I caved. I couldn't take it. I had ramen. Good for you, ramen (insert sarcastic face). WHY WHY WHY  is this SO hard for me??!?!?!?!!?!?

I did have a salad for lunch, but I will say this. For someone trying to eat healthy, I get a big fat F. I had to throw away almost all my vegetables because they were bad.

So, today I sit on my couch, in workout clothes, waiting for Linden to get home so we can all go out on a walk together. And I continue to tell my struggles and continue to be as transparent as I possibly can be. It is humiliating. It can be immobilizing to your soul. The good news is, one day I will be at peace and none of this garbage will matter anymore. In the meantime I just want to find happiness within myself. I don't know how much more I can bear.

Thanks again for letting me ramble. Love you all.