Seasons of life

Pin It Now! Hi friends… it has been a long time since my last post. How quickly life gets away from us.

It looks like Spring is finally here, and along with this new season, a season of life is becoming more and more difficult in this home. This mommy is tired. She is totally worn, and full of the worst insecurity. The insecurity of failing in the absolute greatest task God can give. Mommyhood.

Please tell me that I am not the only one who pleads to God that He will undo what I have done to my kids. I have always prayed that this world would not take their tender God-given hearts and change the way they were created. The heart that HE gave them. He makes things so special and sweet… and I  pray that, their spirit and heart won't be tarnished by what has become this sometimes cruel and hurtful world. However, I now find myself praying it over them, about me. In the midst of not wanting this world to take my kids, I was all of the sudden the one to worry about. I was given this crazy task of rearing these kiddos in love and compassion and lately, it seems, I take that challenge and stomp on it daily. And this home that seems to be falling apart around me. Relationships are strained. Friendships are difficult , if not fleeting. I know this may come back to bite me one day, but it's as if life isn't difficult enough right now, and people who I thought were friends just come across as fake. Like I have done something wrong to them because I can't go to the mommy group anymore, and now I am an outcast. So now my kids don't get invited to those kids' birthday parties, and none of those moms even bother to be kind to me anymore. Hey, if I can't be real on my own blog, then where can I be, right? And please understand, I have some amazing friends who pray for me and are there for me. I am truly blessed to have them, but lately I'm left feeling like nobody could possibly understand how this really feels. And I know that God will give my kids some AMAZING friendships, which I am grateful for (and for the sweet few they have now <3). My husband thinks my thyroid is to blame, and causes some sort of (my own self-labeled) "issues" or "craziness". True to a degree, I am positive of that. Still, isn't it also true that we can just be plain overwhelmed because the dreams we had for our family are just that, dreams?? My heart just aches for what I think happiness could be, and that for now, it is out of my grasp.

I just want to be a good mommy, and wife, and friend. That's all. I want my kids to look back on their life and think of how great it was and that they had fun, and felt loved, and that they found out who God is in their home. This season of life, sucks. I told my husband today… "If I can just get through life, then it will all be okay. Who cares if when you die, you die sad. Just… get through it". And yet, here I sit, realizing as I type this out that it probably sounds ridiculous for a believer to feel this way, let alone admit it to others, right? I guess the biggest question is, GOD WHERE ARE YOU?!?! Your Word promises that You will never leave, or forsake us, and I just want to sit in Your presence and feel OKAY again. I am not even asking for happiness, but just… to be okay. Give me an understanding of my kids, and allow us to meet on a level where we are all heard, and we all understand each other! Where are the relationships you want for us to have? Is there some magic key that I need to find and unlock the "happiness factor" for this home? This (parenting, being a wife, friend, etc.) is the hardest thing I have ever done. Ever. Even writing this, I am struggling to find the energy, and what to say. I know I sound like a whiner, and clearly, I am struggling right now. What is is about all of the things I am saying that makes me feel like I need to apologize for saying it?? Because I am a "buck-up buttercup" kinda girl. That's why. Stop sitting around, complaining and do something about it. Right? Here is the problem… I don't KNOW what to do!! I start each day out, fresh and feeling a bit refreshed and by the end of the day I just want to crawl into bed and hide under the blankets! I can pray, and I DO. I spend time with God (of course {and I am so embarrassed to admit this} there are days that get by without me really spending time with Him). So why do I feel so overwhelmed? Lord, HELP!

Please, please… if you feel this way, or have felt this way. Pray for those of us who are also struggling with it. Let's all promise to lift each other up in prayer on a daily basis. This world is jaded and hard enough without feeling like "I am my kids own worst enemy", or "I AM ALONE".

If you have ever felt… like there is just not enough of you to go around. You are right. We were never made to travel this path alone. And maybe that's the point? Maybe without Him, we will never be enough? Maybe He loves us just the way we are, and wants us to come to Him, broken and hopeless? I believe He does. It is in our weakest moments that He can really reveal himself. Be the friend in someones life. It doesn't take to much to be kind, and you never know…. you might change their life. Be Jesus to someone today. They probably need it, more than you will ever know. We are not enough. There is NO perfect mommy. There never will be.  I had a friend describe another friend that way once, "she is the perfect mom!" No… she isn't and it puts pressure on ALL of us to "perform". When we should be able to be ourselves, imperfections and all, and be loved through it. When you put a mother on a pedestal, it not only will hurt her, but it hurts the other mommies also, because we already have a world that tells us to be perfect, and we never will live up to that standard. Yes, thank her. Tell her she is doing a good job. Encourage and love her, and BE KIND.


I will be praying for all of you tired mommies out there. Please do the same for me. We all need it.

Not much to say… just a reminder :)

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